[Monday, August 16, 2004.] [It's a hot summer afternoon in Chicago. I mean hot, and annoyingly humid, too. There was rain just a day or two ago, but all of that water's come right back into the air.] [Charlotte's at home! Sam is not. He has work, but she doesn't, as this is a day off for her. It's been a day since Charlotte met Janet (or two, depending on how you want to look at these things). She hasn't told Sam a thing, and he hasn't really asked since then.] [Regardless, Charlotte has the apartment to herself. The air conditioner's on the fritz. Again.] [Mini Start.] * Charlotte is sitting on the sofa, currently playing an original masterpiece on her violin. Okay, it's not HER original masterpiece. She's playing it off of some music sheets propped up in front of the TV. But at least she's not half bad at it. [The television is off, so it doesn't object.] * Charlotte runs the bow over the strings, and music comes out! ( It's like magic. Presto! Or should I say..... viola? XD ) (Viola > Violin ) [The phone rings!] * Charlotte makes a mistake and winces at the resulting flat note. She starts over from the beginning. For the record, today she's (is not!) wearing a pair of blue jeans and a red tank top, and wishing the air conditioner worked. [It's sweltering hot, and Charlotte's E string is starting to sound out of tune. Maybe the pegs are slipping from the humidity.] [The phone rings again!] * Charlotte stops playing and gets the phone. It's about time to quit anyhow. [The phone stops mid-ring when Charlotte picks up!] * Charlotte picks it up. "Hello?" ["Hello?" It's a girl's voice, if a bit tired. She doesn't sound much younger than Charlotte. She clears her throat. "I'm calling for- uh, I mean, I'm representing Shi's Chinese Imports And Pets and... stuff. Um. Do you need anything?"] I'm sorry? ["Like, anything exorcised? Uh, how about a new plant? We've got this great money tree. You'd almost think it grows actual money. It just needs some water and light."] Um... I'm afraid I'm not interested. Sorry! ["Man, that sucks. Okay, sorry. I didn't- hey!" Her voice becomes more distant; it sounds like she's complaining, but it's hard to make out what she's saying, and there's clattering on the other end.] * Charlotte cups the phone with both hands. "Hello?" No, no, no! You are doing it all wrong! Listen to uncle, he will show you! Hello! Who is this? * Charlotte paces. "Who is this?" [Charlotte paces, but she only goes so far, as the phone's cord goes taut.] * Kuaihong is sounding very excited. "I am Mr. Kuaihong Shi! I am representing Shi's Chinese Imports and Pets!" He pauses. "And you sound like you need something!" * Charlotte paces as much as she can, then. "Well, I'm sorry, but I don't." Sure you do! You like money? Enough to know when not to part with it. Ah! But this is tree that GROWS money! All two dollar bill! * Charlotte folds her arms. "Really. A money tree?" Yeeeeees! And when you have that, you can afford a pet! Do you like pets? EVERYBODY likes pets! Let me get this straight. A money tree that grows two dollar bills? They have very interesting flora in China. It is a hybrid! Very new. Just got shipment in this week! Also have fresh batches of turtles, dragons, mogwai... Mogwai very good pets! Like living Furby. Oooh! Oooh! * Charlotte nods. "Uh huh... I'm gonna hang up now." She hangs up. [As soon as Charlotte hangs up, the phone rings!] * Charlotte goes... nowhere, apparently. She picks up the phone again. "Hello?" Why did you hang up? So many good deals for you! Okay, mogwai too pricey. Maybe a dog? Little dogs, like teeny tiny mops! * Charlotte groans. You unlucky in love? Need a pick-me-up in the bed? Kuaihong have it for you! Aaaaanything you need! We got it! Anything? Anything! But it cost you. I can see that. Not too much, though. Bargains all around. * Charlotte paces again. "Okay, what I need is for you to go pull these prank calls on someone else. Leave me alone." She hangs up again. [Charlotte hangs up. It's silent.] * Charlotte watches the phone for a few minutes more, then sighs and heads back to the sofa, where she packs up her violin. [The phone rings!] * Charlotte runs a hand through her hair. She picks up again, with a tired, "Hello?" Is not a prank call! I honest businessman! Occasional dojo trainer. Mogwai salesman! * Charlotte hangs up. [The phone rings!] * Charlotte picks it up and puts it back down again. [The phone rings!] * Charlotte sighs. She picks it up and holds it to her ear. Look, I give you address! Come on down! Then I stop calling. Oh yeah. Never heard that one before. I am in phonebook! You can look! * Charlotte sighs. "Fine. Give me your address." * Kuaihong rattles off an address in Chinatown. * Charlotte listens. "Okay. Got it. See you soon." * Charlotte then hangs up before he can respond. * Charlotte goes about packing up her violin again. [The violin doesn't fight it and is packed up quickly enough.] * Charlotte puts it in her room, then sits down on the sofa and flips on the TV. [The television turns on! It's a rerun of The Simpsons.] * Charlotte watches it, whether she's seen it or not. * Charlotte makes no effort to get up off the sofa and go outside, much less to a certain business. [Lisa complains about her lack of dancing ability and that she's bad at ballet! Then it cuts to commercials.] * Charlotte flips through channels. [Charlotte flips through channels! Flip, flip, flip.] [Charlotte flips through channels, and she catches something unusual right as she's about to go through one that she normally doesn't watch; it's local.] * Charlotte stops and watches it. [It's a hazy, red glow with bright, golden sparkles. Very pretty. It's surrounding a girl with black hair and Asian features; she's rather plain looking, though she's in excellent shape. She's wearing a nice, green silk Chinese dress. Charlotte doesn't have any trouble seeing her through the haze.] [She's looking at the camera, and whoever's holding it isn't keeping it steady. The backdrop looks like a store of some sort. The standard Chinese knicknacks from Chinatown are inside. "I need something, but I don't know what," she says, sounding like she's reading from a script. "Hm. Maybe I will go into this store and see what I can find."] * Charlotte flips the channel. "Boring." [Charlotte goes back to flipping through channels! Same old same old.] * Charlotte sighs and wishes she had something better to do. [Charlotte eventually cycles back to that same channel. The girl with the red and gold is still there, and so is someone else. They're inside the shop now.] [Said girl looks bored but is trying to pretend she's interested.] * Charlotte doesn't blame her. [Oh, and she's a teenager. Forgot to mention.] * Charlotte is too! We have a lot in common! Look! We have pretty fish for pretty girls like you! Fish! And dogs! And mogwai! * Kuaihong holds up a squirming furry thing. It looks decidedly upset. [She eyes the furry thing. "Wow, that's really interesting un- kind sir. Can I hold it?"] * Kuaihong tosses it at her. "Here you go, pretty girl!" [She snatches it out of the air and cuddles the thing. It looks much happier now. Maybe because she has boobies.] We have anything you could want, here at Shi's Chinese Imports! And Pets! (MAGIC BOOBIES!) Like... imports! ... and pets! * Charlotte chuckles. "We have scams for pretty morons like you! And the animal welfare agency doesn't know about this place." So come on down! Kuaihong is waiting! Why aren't you here yet? I mean, we have a money tree! * Kuaihong goes offscreen, shouting. "Where did I put the money tree? San'Niang! The money treeee!" * Charlotte flips through the channels again. [The channels flip! They do tricks for Charlotte's amusement!] [The phone rings! Again.] * Charlotte answers. "Hello?" Why have you not left yet? You are still there! You need to be here! * Charlotte cries in frustration. "What is it with you?!" I have things to sell, and you ought to buy them! * Charlotte laughs. "Well, joke's on you, mister. I don't HAVE any money." She hangs up. [Silence.] [... For about half a minute. Then the phone rings again.] * Charlotte sighs and picks it up again. "This better not be who I think it is." [There's a pause, and then a girl speaks up. "Hello?" She sounds like the one from earlier.] [Charlotte thinks she sound similar to the one on television, too, though she's not entirely sure.] * Charlotte asks, "Who is this?" even though she probably knows. ["I called earlier. Look, Uncle says he didn't know you don't have any money, so he wants to give you something for free."] Like a Chinese money tree that produces two dollar bills? ["Nah. Just a beginner's spell kit or a couple of potions or something. They actually do work." She sounds sincere.] * Charlotte sounds skeptical. "They do, huh?" ["Oh, yeah. But you've gotta be careful with them." Her voice is gaining energy now. "Once I tried to make a potion to turn myself invisible, but all I managed was green."] Sounds great. ["Hey, I redid it! I'm going out as the Wicked Witch when Halloween comes around." Her voice lowers. "Plus, Uncle's out of the room. He's been having me call people *all day*."] * Charlotte sighs. "Look, if I go down there, will you stop calling and leave me alone?" ["Could you? Thank *God*. Okay, look, I'll give you five bucks if you show up. I don't care if you don't buy anything, but I'm sick of calling people."] I can bet. ["Yeah, he- oh, he's coming back." She picks up on the energy level. "So you're going to show up? That's great!"] * Charlotte sighs. "Okay. Be there soon." ["Thanks! See you soon." She rattles off the address again. "Zaijian!" She hangs up.] * Charlotte sighs again, and heads out. [Charlotte leaves the apartment and is blasted with heat. HEAT. But once she gets outside, there's a slight breeze and it's not *so* bad.] * Charlotte is hot. But it can't be much worse than inside the apartment. She walks quickly, wanting to get done before night. [Charlotte reaches Chinatown without much trouble, taking the El at one point. It looks like... well, like Chinatown. There are older women bustling about with their purchases, mostly food, and teens and kids causing their last bit of trouble before school starts. Are they Chinese? Yes. Yes, they are.] [She gets a few glances, but people generally ignore her.] * Charlotte isn't Chinese, though. She's a red-head. But no freckles! [It's late afternoon now, but there's no danger of the sun setting just yet. Yay for long summer days!] * Charlotte glances around as she walks. [Charlotte notices nothing particularly out of the ordinary. She comes to the address before long. Yup, it's the same store as the one on the TV.] * Charlotte walks in. [The store has that odd, musty Chinese smell that's often found in knicknack stores that also carry food items. There's something else in the air, but it's hard to tell what. The place is lined with shelves, and it looks more cramped than outside, but that might be because the aisles are *small*. There are stairs going up in back, as well as a door behind the counter.] [Also behind the counter is the girl from the commercial. Next to her is likely the Phone of EVIL. She looks up and waves a little sheepishly. She's not wearing any make up (unlike in the commercial), and her hair is short (unlike in the commercial), but it's the same one. She's wearing a white t-shirt with a red dragon on it.] [There's a faint, red haze with golden sparkles around her, again. It's a little harder to see this time.] * Charlotte glances around as she heads in. She waves. "Hey." * Kuaihong comes barreling out of the door behind the counter. "Yes! Hello! Customer!" ["Hi. You- UNCLE!" She glares at Kuaihong.] * Kuaihong looks sheepish for a moment. "Aiyah, sorry." ["Just relax, okay?" And then she shrugs at Charlotte. "We don't get customers a whole lot."] I gathered. * Kuaihong is a quite elderly Chinese man, with longish white hair balding on top. He's dressed in a powder-blue button down shirt and khakis, with a silk vest embroidered in a Chinese design over that. He's fairly tall for an old man, and definitely what one would call "spry". ["Yeah, Uncle decided telemarketing's the way to go. He's really not *that* bad." She nudges the old guy with her elbow.] It, uh. Has not worked out as well as I hoped. * Charlotte is, for her part, pretty average all around. She's red-haired, green eyed, and fairly cute but doesn't really stand out. [She rolls her eyes. "Yeah."] * Charlotte sighs. "Well, I'm here now." * Kuaihong gestures to a smallish rack of bottles and bags on the counter. "I wish to apologize, so here is stuff for free." [Something else to note: The place has working air conditioning. Blissfully.] * Charlotte is grateful for that! * Charlotte looks over the stuff. She doesn't look particularly upset. * Kuaihong points in succession. "This is a love potion, very good for getting women. This one for money, this one for luck. This one for raining rutabaga. Not a hot seller." ["Yeah, don't drink that one," the girl chimes in helpfully.] * Charlotte makes a face. "Thanks." Aiyah, you had rutabaga in your ear! Teach you to drink uncle's potions! [She sticks her tongue out at Kuaihong. "Who wants to turn rain into rutabagas, anyway?"] When I was young I would have given my right elbow for rutabaga rain! You should be grateful! Well, it's certainly an... interesting selection. * Kuaihong points to the bags. "Spell kits. Come with tiny instruction booklet in twelve languages!" Tell me one of them is English. [The girl reaches beneath the counter and pulls out a small magnifying glass, handing it to Charlotte.] ["This is for you, too. So you can read the booklet." She sounds serious.] * Charlotte blinks a few times. She takes it, not looking doubtful. ( These people are crazy!) * Charlotte opens one of the bags and looks inside. [It's just a small flask of some potion or another.] [The potion is light blue! Looks like mouthwash.] [While Charlotte holds the bag, she feels time slip away a bit, and she sees the girl and old man fighting each other, unarmed, in the store. They do a remarkable job of not knocking anything over, and they don't seem interested in hurting each other.] [She sees the entire thing in an instant, the end having the girl bow to the old man, who smiles proudly.] * Charlotte points at the bottle. "What's this one do?" * Kuaihong peers at it. Chicken summoning potion! * Charlotte raises an eyebrow. "I don't suppose it's a cooked chicken that comes with peas and mashed potatoes, too?" No. And no hitting chicken with swords. Very very bad. Right. I'll try to remember not to hit the chicken with the sword I don't have. ["Last guy who tried it got mugged by the Chicken Mafia or something."] * Charlotte eyes the guy. "... How about you keep this one?" Okay! Plenty more! ( I got killed by those once. ) (Haven't we all?) [The clock in back chimes six times.] * Charlotte opens another bag. "This one? Could you label them or some-" She looks up. "Shoot. I gotta get home." That one very good! Good luck. [The girl looks up at the clock. "Oh, yeah. They're all in the booklet! I think. You can call if you get confused."] * Charlotte grabs 'em all in a hurry. "Right, right. Booklet. Thanks." [She turns back to Charlotte. "Oh, and check the third bag from the left. Have fun, and thanks for stopping by."] [She waves!] Yes! Come again! Bring friends! * Charlotte waves back and hurries out. [Charlotte rushes out the store, arms full of stuff! She doesn't get mugged. We think. Maybe.] [Mini End!]