[Monday, March 1, 2004; morning in Orono, nighttime in Tokyo.] [Ciara] Satoshi slept well the previous night, though he's still tired that morning. Since it's spring break, the dining hall is operating under reduced hours, so after he gets up and showers, he heads to the dorm lounge and makes himself a bowl of oatmeal and some coffee. The guys went grocery shopping the previous afternoon, so there's even some dried fruit to put on top of it. It's not the most interesting breakfast, but he's also not working out this morning and he doesn't have class, so he's probably going to be less hungry and can also eat something else sooner if he wants. At any rate, at the appointed time, he's sitting in front of his computer, bowl of oatmeal and coffee tumbler on the desk next to him. Out of a weird sense of paranoia, he's locked the door to his room; it'd be just his luck to be in the middle of some deep Arcana discussion with Wataru and then to have Liam come barging in with some idea that they have to try *right now.* Or something. He admits to being a little paranoid there, but a little paranoia is probably healthy... ...and now he's just managed to get himself kind of worried again. Well. At least the campus internet isn't down this time and they actually will be able to talk, unlike their last attempt in February. He pops open the chat program, brings up Wataru's contact information, and clicks "connect." --- [Jihatsu] Wataru had a very clear and reasonable plan for today. Get home, workon his Anthropology paper, do the dishes, fold the laundry, and beonline in time to chat with Satoshi. Just a perfectly reasonableevening. Totally doable. He hangs up his coat, goes into his bedroom, retrieves his as-complete- as-he-could-get-it chart of connections and his notebook from the gap between the back of the closet and the back of the small shelving unit he keeps in the closet, and sits on his bed, looking at the chart. The original emails that he printed up from everyone, and highlighted the crap out of, he has destroyed - burned them in abaking dish in the bathtub and flushed the ashes. Overkill, probably, but it kind of felt good. But the chart, the chart he kept. Clusters of names, linked together, sometimes tenuously. He looks at it, and sighs. Half an hour later, he goes to get a dish of fettucine Carbonara from the conbini downstairs, nice and heated up, and a bottle of sweet peach tea. He tromps back up the stairs and sits on the living room couch, eating, thinking. He does, in fact, manage to do a handful of dishes after he tosses the Carbonara container into the trash in the kitchen, but by the time Satoshi calls, he's done little else but sit and stare and think. A number of tarot cards are laid out on the made bed, mimicking roughly - with many empty spaces - the layout of his chart. When he hears Satoshi initiating contact, he scoops up the cards and gives them a quick shuffle before putting the deck down and pressing connect. --- [Ciara] It's taking Wataru a little longer than Satoshi expected to pick up, or maybe the connection is slower today, or something, so Satoshi figures that he's maybe got time to eat a little before they start... ...so of course when the connection goes through and the window opens and there's Wataru, Satoshi has a spoonful of oatmeal in his mouth. He blinks in surprise and then kind of sheepishly points at his mouth with the spoon, holding up the bowl with his other hand. His hair is loose and it looks even longer than the last time Wataru saw him over a month ago - apparently he's letting it grow out this semester - and he's wearing a long-sleeved light blue raglan t-shirt with navy blue sleeves and collar. --- [Jihatsu] And just like that, Wataru's nerves are fine. His mouth splits into a slow grin at the nuclear level of adorableness coming at him through the screen, and he gives a little wave. "Hey." --- [Ciara] Satoshi waves back with the hand holding the spoon while he swallows. "Hi. Sorry. Breakfast." He puts bowl and spoon down on his desk and grabs a quick swig of coffee. "How's it going?" --- [Jihatsu] Every time he sees Satoshi, Wataru is hit by how much he really is in love with him. It fills him up with every deepening breath, and it gives him confidence, even if he knows nothing will probably ever come of it, even if Satoshi will likely never feel the same. He grins, thinking about Katie and how wrong she is to worry. "I'm all right. Honestly, I've been pretty caught up thinking about all this stuff that's been going on, but apart from that I'm managing. You?" --- [Ciara] "Better, I think." Satoshi's voice is a little quieter than usual, his manner a bit more subdued. "Oh, I guess before we get too far along... do we need to put a time limit on this, so we don't risk the wrath of your aunt? We can still keep talking afterwards, over phone or IM or something. I promise I won't leave you hanging this time." --- [Jihatsu] Wataru chuckles. "I'll face the wrath. I've got a bit of money set aside in case I need it - I think, you know, this is something we should take the time it takes on, you know?" --- [Ciara] Satoshi looks a little uncertain. "If you're sure... I mean, I really don't want to get you in trouble. But, that having been said..." He smiles a tiny bit. "I worry about the clock enough in games. It's nice to not have to worry about it when I'm talking with a friend." --- [Jihatsu] Wataru nods! He's smiling, too. "So you actually get a bit of a break at spring break, right? Even from games, I mean? Has that started yet?" --- [Ciara] "Kind of," Satoshi answers, reaching for his bowl again. "Classes are out for the next two weeks, but we've still got games this coming weekend. So we've got practice, but we're getting a little bit of time off just because everyone's kind of worn out this point. Things'll pick up towards the end of the week. It's our last two games of the season, and then the conference tournament starts next weekend. Good news is that no matter how we do this weekend, we'll be a high enough seed that we'll be hosting the first round." He has a spoonful of oatmeal. --- [Jihatsu] "Awesome," Wataru says! "So are you pumped or are you nervous about this tournament?" He is (since it has been asked) wearing a pair of dark blue jeans, a brown t-shirt with Bowser on it in a deliberately faded/distressed print, and his favourite navy-and-chocolate hoodie, loose and open. --- [Ciara] "Both?" Satoshi gestures a bit with the spoon as he talks. "I mean, it'll be my first college tournament, which is exciting, but it also will determine how we get seeded for the NCAA tournament. I mean, we're going to the NCAAs regardless at this point, but there's still a good amount riding on how we do over the next few weeks." He looks a bit shy. "I, uh, I told you we're ranked #3 in the country, right? I mean, it's not football; there's way fewer teams, but." --- [Jihatsu] Wataru brightens! "Dude, no! You didn't! Shit, that's amazing!" --- [Ciara] Satoshi has a small grin. "Thanks! But we, uh, also have the misfortune to be in the same conference as the number two ranked team in the country. So I'd imagine we're going to end up facing them at some point in the conference tournament. Still..." He gets a faraway look in his eyes. "We make the NCAA tournament, we could go all the way to the ..." He switches to English when he says this, and it's kind of interesting because he really doesn't sound like he has any sort of foreign accent at all, though admittedly, it's only two words. "Maybe even to the finals. That'd... that'd be pretty amazing." --- [Jihatsu] Wataru loves to see him like this. It's possibly the best thing. He finds himself wishing he had something, anything, that he felt as giddy and passionate and serious about as Satoshi does about hockey. He also finds himself wishing very strongly that Satoshi actually does make it into the NHL one day. It's people like this who deserve it. And yes, he does seem to essentially just be sitting there beaming and looking proud and dreamy. --- [Ciara] Satoshi looks at Wataru and he can't help but smile back. "April 10th. That's when the final is. Well, April 11th for you guys, but... it'll be in Boston. Same place as our conference semifinals and finals. In the Fleet Center. Where the Bruins play. Actual NHL ice." --- [Jihatsu] Wataru lets out a puffy, dreamy exhale. "Maan, I wish I could be there. I haven't seen a real game in so long." --- [Ciara] "I wish you could be here, too. I wish everyone could. But." Satoshi grins. "I may have something arranged so that you guys can at least watch. Assuming we get that far and that I haven't just jinxed us with hubris or something." --- [Jihatsu] "Oh yeah?" Wataru sits up, very interested! --- [Ciara] Satoshi takes a sip of coffee, still smiling. "I may have asked a favor of Kaede. If there's a stream out there, he'll find it." --- [Jihatsu] Wataru grins, crookedly........ "He's really that good with technology, huh." --- [Ciara] "Best that I know," Satoshi says, a small bit of pride evident in his voice. --- [Jihatsu] Wataru feels a confusing mix of things in his gut. Not all of them are bad. "Cool." --- [Ciara] Satoshi leans back in his chair, a distant look in his eyes. He's quiet for a minute. "Wataru, I..." His heart catches in his throat and his voice falters. --- [Jihatsu] Wataru's expression changes, catching the change in Satoshi's demeanour. "Yeah...?" --- [Ciara] Satoshi swallows. "I'd be crazy to give this up, wouldn't I?" --- [Jihatsu] Wataru blinks, fast, twice. "Give it up?" --- [ciara] "To come back. I..." He looks away from the camera for a second. "No one's asked me to. Kaede and Haruko, they agree that I should stay here. Live my life. But..." He looks back at Wataru. "I feel like I should be doing something? Something to help. Somehow." --- [Jihatsu] And there it is, the elephant in the room that they've been ice-dancing around for the past ten minutes. Wataru sighs. "We don't even know what's happening. It could actually be nothing. We don't know anybody's bad, here. No one's been hurt, or taken, or killed, or any of that kind of stuff. People are being trained at best, barred from entering social media sites at worst." He closes his eyes. "....Plus the books, that scrape open old wounds for people," he admits. "Still." --- [Ciara] "It could be nothing," Satoshi agrees. "Or it could be something. We don't know." He swallows again. "Is it... is it bad that when I was thinking that the woman in the picture might be my mom, that the first thing that popped into my head was 'I don't want her to ruin my life again?' Not worry for you guys. Worry for myself, and I'm relatively safe over here." --- [Jihatsu] "God, no, that's not terrible at all. I felt the same way." He exhales in a rush of air. --- [Ciara] Satoshi blinks. "You did? Really?" --- [Jihatsu] "Well, yeah! Christ, that woman messed you up so hard it took you this long to..." He shakes his head. "You got away. You *earned* getting away, and I'd be surprised if I'm the only one in the group who feels that keeping her away from you, if it is her, should be one of our top priorities." There's a thrill of steel in his voice, and his eyes are clear and focused. --- [Ciara] Satoshi shakes his head. "But she's my...." He stops. "I can't ask you guys to do this. I can't. You shouldn't have to take on my problems." --- [Jihatsu] "Satoshi, you're our *friend*. You're one of my *best* friends. You don't need to *ask*," he says, and his expression shifts slowly into a smile. "You don't need to ask. Because it's not just your problem. Your wellbeing affects us, too." --- [Ciara] "But if something happened to you guys because I wasn't there, or because of me..." Satoshi looks almost frantic now. "I don't want that." --- [Jihatsu] "Well, no, none of us want that. But can you imagine if something happened to you because you came here to help? How do you think we'd all feel?" --- [Ciara] "At least I'd have done something?" Satoshi rubs his forehead. "Ugh, I'm going in circles. I'm sorry." --- [Jihatsu] Wataru takes a breath, and nods. "I get that. I mean - I'm..." He thinks for a moment. "I also feel like... Like I have to do something. You know? And I'm not really even ... I'm barely part of this. I'm not in the books, I haven't been invited or blocked to Shuffle, I'm an unknown to these guys, as far as we can tell. And still, I feel this urge, this need, to get involved, to be useful, to help everyone. It's like, taking up this huge chunk of my brain," Wataru gestures. --- [Ciara] "That's good, I think, that you're an unknown. It keeps you safe," Satoshi says. "And you have helped. You found Katie, faster than anyone else could have. You can do readings. You've got skills and talents that I just... that I just don't have. And you can be *there*. With them." He sighs. "Let's be honest. If I were there, how much could I really accomplish? I don't have Katie or Kaede's researching abilities, I don't have Haruko or Kyon's connections..." --- [Jihatsu] "Wait, so you're being down on yourself because you don't have the strongest research skills, or because you can't be here? Is it both?" Wataru feels a bit annoyed, but he shakes his head, shakes it off. "You're right that it's good I'm an unknown. Not only because it keeps me safe, but because it's good to have someone on the outside, in case something happens." He takes a calming breath. "And you, that's something you can be too. Even more than me. You're physically elsewhere. Something weird starts going down here, you probably won't get caught in it. You can help from the outside. Maybe we can both stay out of it, and help everybody else together, if they need it, you know?" He has a small sigh. "And you have your telepathy, your strength, and I'm sure you have old allies too, right? There's a lot of ways to help. You strike me as a guy who could accomplish quite a bit, if he put his mind to it. So I mean... You know. I'll keep you in the loop of anything I hear or find out. If push comes to shove, and you decide to come here, then you'll come here." Wataru looks at him for a moment, the draping whorl of his hair, and he softens. "You're the one who kept telling me about personal choices and responsibilities. Nobody's going to make this call for you, you know?" --- [Ciara] Satoshi is quiet for a little bit. Finally, he says, "Remember, the first time we had a video chat, how we talked about liking ourselves better now? Better than our past selves? When I said that... well, there was a double meaning, because I was building myself up to tell you about Hideo, but... a lot of stuff went down, back in high school. A lot off stuff fell on other people that probably should have fallen on me. I did some good things. I saved everyone once. But I also... I let myself get bogged down in guilt and uncertainty, and I *didn't* do things. Things I really should have done. And so now, I can... I can feel myself starting to slide back in that direction, and I don't want that. I don't want to be the only one safe. I don't want things that should be my problems falling on someone else again, and me just standing by and... and letting it happen." --- [Jihatsu] Wataru listens, and at the end, he nods. "Okay," he says. He swallows. "Okay. So. You don't do nothing. We can both be better at this than we were in high school. Hell, I'm even..." He shakes his head. Not the point. "I just... We still don't even know whether any of us are in danger. But, let's look at things concretely. Right now, it's March 1st. Is it March 1st for you? Yeah, it's March 1st for both of us for a change, right?" He has a perky little smile at this rare event! "So, game schedule. If you make it as far as you can make it - like your team goes all the way to the top and wins the championship - what date does that bring us to?" --- [Ciara] Satoshi leans back in his chair. "April 10th. Or April 11th, because it probably won't be the same day for both of us. I think it's an evening game. I just know the date right now, not the exact time." --- [Jihatsu] "Hell, that's not even six weeks," Wataru smiles...! "So, if I've got this right, if worst case scenario something does happen over here - with Shuffle or the books or Taki or anything - just a few weeks from now you'll be a lot freer to travel if you need to. And, you know, the odds aren't super high that there will suddenly be a cascade of doomy events here before mid-April, right? So, how does that sound? You focus on your hockey, finish the season, help us with info about the World if it *is* her, and then when you're free, if you feel that you need to, you come here. Does that make sense or am I missing something?" --- [Ciara] "That... That makes a lot of sense," Satoshi says slowly, cautiously. "And I mean, the semester is only a few weeks longer than that, so... I should keep going for now. Practice hard, play hard, work hard on my classes, but keep an eye on what's going on with you guys and offer what help I can. Because we really don't know what's happening, and I really shouldn't make a huge decision with only so much information." He sighs. "Okay. Maybe next time it won't take most of my friends telling me something for me to get it through my head. And I'll probably need reminders. But..." He smiles at Wataru. "Thanks." --- [Jihatsu] Wataru smiles back...! "I'm glad. And I guess I'm glad the others have pretty much the same idea?" At least that's what it sounded like. --- [Ciara] Satoshi nods. "Yeah. Did you see Haruko's e-mail that she sent last night? Wait. No. This morning for you." He doesn't mention her second e-mail because, well, that one was just to him and he's just not able to give it serious thought right now. It can wait. A little bit. Not for too long, though. --- [Jihatsu] "Yeah, about being careful and that I should do that reading?" --- [Ciara] Satoshi nods again. "That one. And be careful when you do your reading, I guess?" --- [Jihatsu] Wataru nods... "I..." He picks up his chart, which is on some very large paper. "I'm thinking to focus on.. on the lady who might be your mom." --- [Ciara] Satoshi leans closer to his monitor to peer at the chart. "What've you got there?" --- [Jihatsu] Wataru has a sheepish little grin, and turns it over! "My secret crazy- person chart. I, uh, I've tried to map out connections between people. Look. Here's Global Personnel Services..." He points to a large node with a bunch of branches shooting out from it, each one ending in a bubble with a name or description. Some of those bubbles are linked together with further connectives, or linked to bubbles in other parts of the sheet, in solid or dashed lines, some highlighted in different colours. --- [Ciara] Satoshi takes his time looking it over. "Wow. Okay. This is impressive." --- [Jihatsu] Wataru pinks slightly, proud, and turns it over to look at it again. "Yeah, well I......." He look at it a moment, then blinks, and then his expression slowly but inexorably falls, eyes fixed on the page. --- [Ciara] Satoshi blinks. "Wataru? What is it? What's wrong?" He reaches a hand towards the camera. --- [Jihatsu] Something approaching fear is in Wataru's eyes now, glued to the page, and when he speaks again it is very softly. "Satoshi..... I think it is. I think it is her." His eyes flick up to Satoshi's face on the screen. "*Global* Personnel Services, Satoshi," he swallows. --- [Ciara] "Oh shit," Satoshi whispers, possibly the first time Wataru's ever heard him swear. He swallows, too. "I didn't... that didn't even occur to me. I mean, it's kind of generic? But. It could be her way of being clever." --- [Jihatsu] Wataru looks at the paper again. "I know. I didn't think about it at all until now, and I've stared at this for I don't know how many hours. I thought it was just a bullshit corporate nothing name like any other, but..." He has a shuddering exhale, and runs a hand through his hair. He looks back up. "Satoshi, I'm so sorry," he says, and it's like the words are hurting him physically. --- [Ciara] Satoshi looks down and away, his hand falling slowly back to his lap and his hair shifting to hide his face. "When she said she was done with me, all those years ago... I had... I had the hope that she'd never come back. And when she didn't come back when all the Arcana business was happening, I thought okay, she really was done and gone." --- [Jihatsu] Wataru has a few breaths, dizzy. "Maybe she is. I mean. She didn't contact you. This might have morning to do with you. With any of us." He breathes. "Maybe she's just living her life. Doing her thing. Maybe - maybe the reason the group is being blocked is because she's *trying* to stay away from you. Keep her word." --- [Ciara] Satoshi looks back up at Wataru, a mix of sadness and anger on his face. "Maybe. But if she's working with Aka, he wrote those books. About us. Or thinly-veiled equivalents of us. I can't imagine she *doesn't* know about that." --- [Jihatsu] Wataru shows Satoshi his chart again, resigned. "Yamagata probably trained Murimura, Murimura is working for Shuffle, Aka is quite possibly dating Yamagata. It's connected. She must know." There's no question who 'she' refers to here. --- [Ciara] Satoshi frowns. "You could argue that technically she's having nothing to do with us directly, but." --- [Jihatsu] "So what do we do?" Wataru leans back, with a sigh. "If the likelihood of it being her just jumped from 'maybe' to 'probably'. What does this change?" --- [Ciara] "Oh god, I don't *know*," Satoshi says, clenching his fists. "Maybe nothing. Maybe it doesn't change anything. I mean, there's still so much we don't know about their goals, who else they've got working for them... all we know now is that if it's her, then they've got a really powerful Major on their side. A really powerful Major with a history of making elaborate plans and..." Satoshi goes pale. "Temperance. She worked with Temperance to erase Hideo's meories and manipulate mine. What if *she's* the reason Temperance isn't interfering? She's calling Temperance off somehow." He closes his eyes. "Dammit, this actually makes sense." --- [Jihatsu] Wataru frowns. "Why would she call Temperance off?" He starts getting goosebumps, on his arms first, but spreading. No, he's not going to let himself be scared. He grits his teeth. "We're both majors too, Satoshi. Tell me what she can do. We can fight her if we have to. If we have to." --- [Ciara] Satoshi opens his eyes. "Well, we were wondering why Temperance wasn't getting involved in stopping Aka. This might be it. I don't know *why*, but." He takes a deep breath. "It's all speculation. Really. As to what she can do... all I know about is the age reversal, but... she's had a lot of time to make alliances and gather power. A *lot*. Maybe I'm totally misremembering what he said, but Winston seemed to imply that she'd already been around for a while during World War II..." His eyes widen. "Wataru, she could be effectively immortal if she keeps herself young." --- [Jihatsu] Wataru thinks about this. "But what does she *want*...? And - okay we know she was a - a staggeringly problematic parent," he sighs, having successfully avoided saying any worse words about Satoshi's mom, "but do we have any reason to think she's actually evil? Like, we've both seen evil. Is ... is she evil?" He clearly hates even suggesting it, as strong as his ire against her is. --- [Ciara] "Oh, Wataru," Satoshi says, giving him possibly the most heartbreakingly sad smile ever. "I've been asking myself what she wanted from me for as long as I can remember." He swallows. "But I can't say she's evil. I mean, she wanted Judgement to be alive for... for some reason. She saved Hideo from dying in Hiroshima." He goes quiet after that. --- [Jihatsu] It's Wataru's turn to reach out towards the camera, because he can't even handle that smile. He swallows, roughly. "... We're gonna make it through this, Satoshi," he says, softly. "You're not alone. You're strong, and you're loved, and you've got all of us. Whatever comes next, you're not on your own." --- [Ciara] "Thank you," Satoshi says quietly. "I..." He takes a breath. "I miss you guys. Even if all this weren't going on, I'd still miss everyone." --- [Jihatsu] Wataru nods. "I... I feel like I don't even really have the right to say I miss you, but I do. Probably not the same way everyone else does. I've barely ever been in the same room as you." He bites his lip. "...You're gonna come back and visit either way, right...?" --- [Ciara] Satoshi smiles at him. "Of course I'm going to come back. Assuming nothing big happens, I'll be back the second week in May after classes are done. That may be quite an assumption, but. Gonna be optimistic for the moment." His voices softens. "And of course you have the right to miss me. We're friends. Maybe we haven't known each other for very long, but I don't think there's some sort of minimum time requirement or anything. Is there? Did someone not tell me these things?" --- [Jihatsu] Wataru has a tiny giggle. "No, I don't think so," he says, warmly. --- [Ciara] Satoshi nods. "Okay! Good." Then he sighs. "I am going to have one hell of a group e-mail to write later today." --- [Jihatsu] Wataru nods. "Do you want to just tell everyone what we pieced together? I can leave it to you." --- [Ciara] "Yeah, I feel like I should do it. But I'll tell everyone that you made the connection with Global Personnel Services." Satoshi lets out a breath. --- [Jihatsu] Wataru looks down, with a hint of a distant smile. "...I should do the reading. Tonight. While I'm feeling it." --- [Ciara] Satoshi nods. "Okay. But I'm going to repeat myself here: be careful." --- [Jihatsu] Wataru eyes him. "What could go wrong? I'm starting to worry about all of this carefulness. It's just a reading. Is there something I should know?" --- [Ciara] Satoshi sighs. "I don't know. This whole is it or is it not my mom thing has me scared and paranoid, I think." --- [Jihatsu] He nods. "But it's not like, you know something about people who have powers to, I don't know, hurt me through the cards, or send me false visions, or see what I'm -" well, no, obviously there are people with the latter power, himself being one of them. "- You know. Stuff like that. Specifics that I ought to be aware of." --- [Ciara] Satoshi takes a deep breath. "To the best of my knowledge, there is no one with the ability to hurt you or send you false visions or anything specific like that. Which is not to say that such a person doesn't exist, just that... ugh." Satoshi rubs his forehead. "I have managed to work myself up to Kaede levels of paranoia, which is bad because the only person on this planet capable of operating as a functional human being at Kaede levels of paranoia is, in fact, Kaede." He half-smiles. --- [Jihatsu] Wataru snerks. "You even sound like him a bit. All formal and losing your contractions and stuff." Amusing! --- [Ciara] The half-smile becomes a full one. "He'd probably say I could stand to follow his example a bit more. Oh hey. Speaking of, well, slightly more formal manners of expression... have I told you I'm thinking about declaring a major?" --- [Jihatsu] Wataru blinks, confused. "What do you mean?" --- [Ciara] Satoshi looks a little embarrassed. "About which part?" --- [Jihatsu] "The declaration thing." --- [Ciara] "Oh." For some reason, this seems to make Satoshi even *more* embarrassed, notably fidgeting and blushing slightly. "I, uh. I was thinking about actually declaring a major when I registered for classes for next semester." --- [Jihatsu] Now it's Wataru's turn to blink, and then gets bright red, with a laugh! "Ahh, jeez I thought you were talking about Arcana still," he says, covering his laughing face with a hand. --- [Ciara] "Oh!" And now Satoshi starts laughing too. "Okay, yeah, I can see how that would be confusing. Sorry." --- [Jihatsu] "DECLARING A MAJOR. ARCANA. Like this is a thing we have to do and I didn't get the memo," Wataru is shaking his head as he continues to chuckle irrepressibly! --- [Ciara] Satoshi snerks. "I didn't get the memo, either. Otherwise I would've chosen differently." --- [Jihatsu] Wataru grins crookedly.... "I guess I might have picked the Magician, maybe. I do enjoy that." He quietens a bit, shy. "But the Hanged Man is good for me too. I feel really honoured, to be that card. Like I want to do right by it, you know?" It feels crazy but wonderful to talk this openly, to let it out. --- [Ciara] Satoshi looks thoughtful. "What's yours mean, Wataru? Why do you like it so much?" --- [Jihatsu] "Because..." He leans back, dreamy. "The Hanged Man... I see him as the one who's weathering out the storm. Things aren't great - I mean, you're hanging upside down - but he's alive, and he's at peace. He's enlightened. He sacrifices himself because he sees a greater .... a greater truth, a greater beauty, a greater meaning, or something. By taking the initiative to hang himself upside down, he's both going with the flow of Fate and subverting it. Using its own vocabulary against it, and winning, and helping others win while he does it. It's... I mean it's so beautiful," he says, and there are actually tears glazing his eyes. --- [Ciara] Satoshi is very, very quiet. "But I don't want you to have to sacrifice yourself," he finally says, his voice barely audible. --- [Jihatsu] Wataru's smile is crooked, beatific. "I do it all the time, Satoshi," he says, and there's a quiet intensity there. "It's not about... it's not about dying or anything like that. It's about decisions. Deciding not to..." He shakes his head. "Trying to make the decisions that will lead to the best outcome. I sometimes suck at it. And sometimes I rage against it, and want to go my own way. But most of the time... I kind of idolize that ideal. That I can make things better, just by stepping back." He sighs, and looks down, smile fading. "Sometimes, though, maybe I can make things better by stepping forward, too. But it's a lot scarier." --- [Ciara] "It is scarier," Satoshi says softly, reaching out for the monitor. "Wataru, I... I wish my card meant more to me than it does. Like yours does to you. But I'm *terrified* of it, because I can't separate Judgement from Hideo." --- [Jihatsu] Wataru nods, frowning a bit thoughtfully... "I get that, but... But I mean... Even if you're the same biologically, you're like, *obviously* different people. Just like I'm different from Ayano. Judgment is you, too. And all the good and kindness and beauty that you are. It's not inherently a negative card. There's cleansing and rebirth and reconciliation in there, you know? Not everybody is judged guilty, judged wanting. You see the beauty in the world, I know it, and - and like - you know, like hearing an awesome bird, and going "holy shit that bird song is awesome"? That's judgment. Forgiving a friend who did something shitty but is sorry or didn't mean it, that's judgment too. It's not all fire and brimstone." --- [Ciara] Satoshi looks down, his hair hiding his face again. "I am not nearly as good a person as you think I am, Wataru. Really, I'm not." --- [Jihatsu] "Why does everybody keep *saying* that?" Wataru sighs, flopping back in his chair. "Even if you're not - and I'm sure you're right, none of us are as good as our friends see us - I would be willing to bet you're not as bad as you think you are." He closes his eyes, then opens just one, wondering if he's gone too far. "...I know I have to believe people like Izumi who tell me I'm a good guy. I know she's right. Even when I can't see it. If she can see it, there's some truth there." --- [Ciara] "You *are* a good person, Wataru," Satoshi says looking back up at him. "You care about your friends. You want to make the world better, even if it means sacrificing yourself. Tell me how that's not a good person." --- [Jihatsu] Wataru looks down, flushing slightly. But he smiles just a bit. "Maybe," he says, smile growing. "But... You're really going to tell me you're so different?" --- [Ciara] "There's a lot I need to work out," Satoshi says. "Including something that, until today, I don't think I quite realized why I was feeling the way I was feeling about it. But I'm seeing how all the pieces fit together now. And I think I know what to do next." He looks shy. "I'm sorry if I'm being kind of vague about it, but believe me when I say talking to you has actually helped a lot." --- [Jihatsu] Wataru looks at him, and he nods. "Okay," he says. He smiles. "I'm glad." --- [Ciara] Satoshi smiles back at Wataru, but it slowly fades, to be replaced by a distant look. "It's so strange... we've talked more this way than we actually have in person." --- [Jihatsu] Wataru nods... "I think that's what I was getting at, when I said that I felt I didn't really have the right to miss you. This is how I know you, more than anything." He reaches over, though, to the camera. "I wonder if anything would be different if we were in the same room. If we could touch each other." --- [Ciara] Satoshi's hand starts moving, and then the connection abruptly cuts out, leaving Wataru staring at a black window. --- [Jihatsu] Wataru sits, breathing, in, out, hand reaching towards nothing. Knowing that Satoshi, halfway around the world, is reaching too. Wataru takes a deep breath and puts his hand down, checking first the program, then the computer, then the power. --- [Grysar] Wataru receives texts in quick succession. The first is from his internet service provider informing him that his monthly data limit has been exceeded. That's happened before, but his connection was never cut like this. The next billing period will start at the end of his week. The second is from Satoshi, saying that the connection cut off at his end and that he hasn't been able to reconnect. --- [Jihatsu] Wataru texts back to Satoshi almost immediately: _Internet cut out. Dead until next week, what the hell. I'm getting a new plan tomorrow and changing service providers and paying for it myself, because this is garbage. I'm so sorry, Satoshi._ --- [Ciara] Satoshi texts back a few minutes later: "Ugh, I'm sorry. Do you want me to call or do you need your phone open for anything? ...oh, actually it's pretty late over there; do you just need to get to sleep?" --- [Jihatsu] Wataru thinks about this. _I guess we could call real quick to at least say goodbye? :)_ --- [Ciara] A minute later, Wataru's cell phone rings! Who could it be? --- [Jihatsu] Wataru grins, picking up straight away. "Hey." --- [Ciara] "Hey," Satoshi says, softly. "So, um, we got distracted talking about cards, and I don't think I actually got around to telling you my potential academic major." --- [Jihatsu] "Oh yeah," Wataru chuckles. He goes over to the couch with his phone, propping his back against one arm rest and tucking his feet up. "So that's exciting news. What did you pick?" --- [Ciara] Satoshi leans back in his desk chair, since he decided to just call from there. "It's not official yet, but I'm leaning towards becoming an English major." There's a pause. "Is that weird?" --- [Jihatsu] "What?!" Wataru sits right back up again, and the grin is probably audible in his voice. "That's freaking cool! For real?" --- [Ciara] "Yeah," Satoshi says, a little bit of relief in his tone. "It's for real. Turns out I really, really like writing, and while the thought of reading and analyzing a whole lot of books in a foreign language is a little intimidating, it's also really intriguing. And a heck of a lot more interesting than, say, economics. So. I think I'm going to submit my paperwork soon, and then... we'll see." --- [Jihatsu] "Dude that is so cool. Okay, I'm reiterating my commitment to helping you out with essays if you want it! I'm always down to read your writing." He snuggles back onto the couch, pulling a pillow into his lap. --- [Ciara] "Thank you," Satoshi says, his voice warm. "I'm glad you like my writing so much. I'm sure it'll change some over time as I learn more, but... hopefully you'll always enjoy it." --- [Jihatsu] Wataru feels giddy. He wants to always enjoy Satoshi. He really does. "I'll do my best," he smiles. "But if like... Not saying that it will, but if it kind if has problems sometimes? You want me to tell you, right?" --- [Ciara] "Oh yeah, absolutely," Satoshi says. "I mean, how else am I going to improve? I'm not going to be offended. Promise." --- [Jihatsu] "Awesome. I'll try not to be offensive, either." He chuckles. "That's a really good idea, though, too, I mean to improve your English for your future NHL career. Not that your English isn't already... It's really good, isn't it?" --- [Ciara] Satoshi grins, even if Wataru can't see it. "" he says in English. "" While he's said a few words here and there, this is the first time that Satoshi's actually really spoken English to Wataru, and he honestly sounds like he's from the US. He's got that sort of non-accent accent that a lot of American newscasters have. --- [Jihatsu] "" Wataru says. "" He clears his throat. "" --- [Ciara] "" He laughs. "" He sighs. "Crazy, crazy dreams," he says, switching back to Japanese. --- [Jihatsu] Wataru chuckles, but surprises himself by feeling almost sad to see English Satoshi go. "Yeah, they're a classic team. Lots of tradition. You could do worse." --- [Ciara] "Could do a lot worse, yeah." Satoshi is quiet for a moment. "Should I let you go, since it's late over there?" --- [Jihatsu] "Maybe," Wataru replies, leaning into the pillows. "This is kind of nice, though. We could maybe do this sometimes, too." --- [Ciara] "Sure!" Satoshi says. "I think video chats are the most fun, but I'm up for whatever works out best." --- [Jihatsu] Wataru giggles. "They *are* the most fun. But this is... I dunno. Cozy." He gives the pillow a squeeze. "Anyway. I'll let you know when my internet is back, huh? We might be stuck with phones for a little bit." --- [Ciara] Satoshi laughs. "Maybe I'll write you a letter, if the internet has failed us." --- [Jihatsu] Wataru laughs! "Good ol' snail mail. OMG I haven't had a pen pal since I was like, nine," he laughs again! --- [Ciara] Satoshi reaches for his long-forgotten coffee tumbler, which contains warm coffee. At least it's not lukewarm? "Yeah? Who were they, and where were they from?" --- [Jihatsu] "Her name was Mathilde and she was from some town in France. Not Paris, I don't remember. Lyon? Maybe Lyon." --- [Ciara] Satoshi has a sip of coffee. "That's neat. Did you write in English, or French, or both?" --- [Jihatsu] "Oh, English! It was some kind I program with my school. Her English was adorably broken and some of the other guys..." He frowns, hugging his pillow. "I was one of the only guys with a girl pen pal. They tried to match us up, but there were more girls than guys in the class in France or something." --- [Ciara] "Aww," Satoshi says, casting a glance at his now cold, kind of congealed oatmeal. Maybe it's worth throwing a bit of water in and reheating after they're done talking. "So what ended up happening?" --- [Jihatsu] Wataru is quiet for a while. --- [Ciara] "Wataru?" Satoshi asks, concerned. "You okay? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bring up bad memories or anything." --- [Jihatsu] After a few more moments where Wataru makes himself take deep berths, he says: "When I didn't... When I didn't get their innuendos and dirty jokes about why I was lucky to have a girl pen pal, they said that maybe I'd been matched with her because I was..." Breaths. "Because I was a girl too. And then they..." Wataru rubs his face. "I'm sorry, I don't think I can talk about this," he admits. "I know I brought it up in the first place. I'm sorry." --- [Ciara] "But you were like, *nine*," Satoshi says, confused. "Why would they even... okay, I know I didn't go to school like normal kids, but that seems way too young and very messed up. And I will stop talking about it now, and we can talk about whatever else you want. Letters, not letters, hockey, Maine, Japan, blueberries, anything." --- [Jihatsu] "They pulled down my pants in the schoolyard and everyone laughed, Satoshi. I went home crying and *I'm* the one who got in trouble for cutting class, because none of the teachers saw it, and I - I couldn't bring myself to say anything." His breathing is loud in his ears, fills the room, fills his thoughts. "Yeah they were nine. Hell, their dirty jokes weren't even dirty. They were just posturing with shit they'd heard from big brothers and TV. They didn't know what they were saying. But they knew how to hurt." Wataru takes one, slow, deep breath. "....I... I feel better. Maybe talking about it was good." --- [Ciara] "Sometimes it's good to let it out," Satoshi says, quietly. "But oh, Wataru, I kind of wish we were still on video chat because then you could see..." He sighs. "Well. Just know that I'm here for you, even if it's just voice?" --- [Jihatsu] Wataru smiles, weakly, and nods, which Satoshi can't see. "Thanks. And... Just thanks, in general. It's really good to have a friend." --- [Ciara] Satoshi smiles, though yeah, Wataru can't see that, either. "You're welcome. And thank you. I'm glad I have you, too." --- [Jihatsu] FRIENDSHIP. It makes pretty much anything better. Wataru smiles more confidently! "Well," he says. "That seems as good a place as any to call it a night..." --- [Ciara] Friendship is magic! Or something along those lines. "Okay," Satoshi says. "Night, Wataru. Sleep well. I'll talk to you soon." --- [Jihatsu] "Yeah, good night! Or, have a good day, I guess. We'll keep in touch." --- [Ciara] "Later!" Satoshi hangs up the phone and goes to reheat his oatmeal. --- [Jihatsu] Wataru hangs up and leans back, still holding his pillow. For someone who felt so shitty a few minutes ago, he feels kind of fantastic right now. [Thread end!]