<@Grysar> [Japanese Date: Tuesday, March 9th, morning. Eastern seaboard date: Monday, March 8th, evening.] <@Grysar> [Satoshi had set up the Skype call a few days back and now the time has arrived. Kyon is away doing one of his many Kyon things and the cat is nowhere in sight, though Katie can hear him napping under her bed.] <@Grysar> [The campus is quiet thanks to spring break. Satoshi's gotten to know a few of his remaining dormmates better by sight than he'd ever imagined, but everyone seems willing to hold out for their actual friends returning. A winter chill lingers in the air. However, in Japan, the weather is a bit warmer and through the breaks in the building the sky and clouds share roughly the hue of a nectarine.] <@Grysar> [Start!] * Katie is in her room! She's dressed and clean, though her hair is wet, and is making sure her computer is set up for one of these video chat calls. This is her second one, so hopefully it'll be easier than the first. * Katie also is leaving the door open for when the cat inevitably cats out of there. * @Satoshi has just gotten back from having dinner with the team. He takes his shoes off, locks the door, and goes to set his computer up. He'd left it running while he was out, so all he has to do is start up the video chat program. * Katie boots up the program and dials a Satoshi! <@Grysar> [Technology cooperates, for once! It rings on Satoshi's side.] * @Satoshi clicks connect. There is a Katie! He waves. "Hi, Katie!" * Katie smiles a little, mostly in view this time. She waves! "Hi." * @Satoshi has his hair pulled back - it's getting long - and is wearing a dark green button-down shirt over a black t-shirt. "How's it going?" * Katie makes a face. "Stuff happened." Pause. "Weird stuff, to Wataru. He'll want to talk to you about it." * @Satoshi blinks, because he totally wasn't expecting that. "Oh? Is he okay?" * Katie nods. "I think so. I went over to his place and helped out." * @Satoshi lets out a breath. "That's good. Thank you." Then he looks pensive. "I'll wait for him to contact me, then. I think today is when he and Kaede and Haruko are supposed to go see Reiji." * Katie thinks for a moment. Yeah, Kaede mentioned to me. I don't know what they can do, but... * @Satoshi hmms. "Wataru did a reading at one point with Haruko and there's apparently some sort of magical ritual that the three of them are supposed to come up with together." Then he stops. "Which apparently none of them mentioned to you?" * Katie sighs. "I just don't know if they'll succeed. It's been over a year." * @Satoshi lets out another breath. "Yeah. I mean, magic is... I guess anything's possible, but... honestly I'm more worried about everyone involved, including Reiji, than anything else." * Katie shakes her head. I'm not, really. Nothing's happened one way or another just yet. I don't see anything to be worried about. * @Satoshi frowns slightly. "You're probably right. I just... all this stuff that's happened lately has me on edge, so... well, actually, I was worried before that, but this doesn't help." He taps his fingers on the desk nervously. * Katie nods, and she reaches up to scratch at her neck. "You're not wrong, I guess." But worrying without a good reason is just really hard. * @Satoshi makes a snerk sound. "Not so hard for me." * Katie shakes her head. "I mean, hard *on* you, not for you." * @Satoshi nods. "Ah. Yeah." He thinks for a moment. "I think it got worse when we found out about my mom being involved in things." He sighs. "It's not like there's any way she should *know* that we know, but... did your mom always know what you were up to, when you were younger?" * Katie tilts her head. What do you mean? * @Satoshi gets a distant look in his eyes. "I was a pretty good kid, I think. Most of the time. But sometimes I didn't want to do stuff my mom wanted me to do and so sometimes I'd try to hide it and she always found out. Always." Oh. * Katie considers. My mom usually found, but not always. She's pretty smart, though. It's gotten a lot easier now that I don't live with her. * @Satoshi focuses a bit more. "I think I'm afraid that she'll just know stuff because she always knew." ... Well, you don't live with her, either. * @Satoshi snerks again. "I haven't for a while now." * Katie smiles. "There you go." * @Satoshi half-smiles in return. "It was just a lot easier when she was really *gone*, though. Like now that she's back I'm reminded that the scared kid I was never really went away. He's still here." * Katie shakes her head. "He's not by himself, though." * @Satoshi keeps half-smiling, although it looks like tears might be starting to form in his eyes. "Yeah. He's not." * Katie blinks, concern showing in her eyes. "Satoshi?" She leans forward a little. "Are you okay?" * @Satoshi tries to blink a few tears back. "I'm not sure?" * Katie snorts and waves in a Kaede-like gesture. "You're not Jin, Satoshi." * @Satoshi makes an amused sound, though he's continuing to blink. "I know I'm not Jin. I just... I don't want things happening to you guys that I could help with if I were there. But I don't know how much I'd be able to help if I were there. And Kaede was all... well, he's Kaede, you know? He really does care but talking about me being the only one left..." Now a tear falls. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm a mess and I'm sorry because I keep thinking that I'm running away from you guys and that's not true now but... I'm so sorry." More tears. What- Satoshi, why... * Katie reaches over, trying to get through the screen but it's a *screen* so obviously she can't. She drops her hand. "Hey, it's okay. We're all messes." * @Satoshi reaches his hand up for a moment, too, before putting it back down. "I know. But I could... I could do better. Better than I have done." Another tear drops. * Katie stares at Satoshi for a moment, then something shifts behind her gaze and she says, a bit harshly, "Then do it." * @Satoshi looks a bit like he's been physically struck. "Okay. I can't say I don't deserve that." He swallows. "Should I come back?" I'm not the person you should be asking. <@Satoshi> Nobody else I've talked to about it seems to think I should. <@Satoshi> But I trust myself less than I trust them. <@Satoshi> So it's like... <@Satoshi> ...as long as there's one person out there who thinks it should be yes... * @Satoshi sighs. Satoshi, nobody's going to tell you to come back. I'm not. * @Satoshi sighs again. "I think I'm afraid that if I don't come back, you'll think I'm running away again." * Katie rolls her eyes. "Being in America isn't the same as you running away." * @Satoshi leans his chin on his elbow. "I know. But..." He closes his eyes for a moment. "There's a lot of history between us, and it's going to take a longer than tonight to work through it. I just... I want to deal with my issues in a way that doesn't feel like it's putting burdens on you because I can't deal with my own stuff. So I'm almost afraid to ask you anything, which I also don't think is helpful at all. Friends should be able to ask each other for help, right? Without being afraid." They should, yeah. * @Satoshi takes a deep breath. "I want you to be able to trust me. How can I do that?" * Katie frowns at that, and she leans in a bit. "What do you mean, trust you? There's lots of different kinds of trust." <@Satoshi> That I won't... that I won't do something as terrible as I did. That I'm sure I'll make mistakes again but I'm going to try my best. * @Satoshi feels the tears start to fall again. "God fucking dammit, Satoshi, stop crying!" There's *nothing wrong* with crying! * Katie's voice rose with that, but just a little. <@Satoshi> She told me there was! And you're *listening* to her?! <@Satoshi> Yes, okay, thank you, I am! I would like to not be and I would think that after all this time I wouldn't be quite so much but apparently I still am so okay! <@Satoshi> I want to punch her in the fucking face! <@Satoshi> And I feel terrible that I do! * Katie scoots closer, glaring at him. "What's wrong with wanting to punch her in the face? That's the least she deserves." * @Satoshi glares back. "Because I like hitting people. It feels *good*. It always did." So, what, it feels terrible because you like hitting people? Or because it's your pretend-mom? <@Satoshi> Both. * Katie nods. And doesn't quite relax, but she does lean back a little bit, her hands gripping the desk in front of her. "If you're going to listen to me about one thing, don't feel bad because it's your pretend-mom. Unless you want *me* to feel bad, because I've wanted to punch her since I first heard about her. And I wish I had your strength to do it." * @Satoshi half-smiles. "I'm not sure if 'thanks' is an appropriate response to someone saying they want to punch your mom, but thanks." She's your pretend-mom. You're welcome. * @Satoshi lets out a shaky breath. "She really did mess me up. I wish it were less true, but... doesn't mean I have to *stay* messed up, though. But it does mean I have to acknowledge it." Looks like you just did. * @Satoshi nods. "Yeah." * Katie smiles, a little. "That's not so bad." * @Satoshi smiles back. "It's not." A few last tears drip down. "Thanks." You need some tissues. <@Satoshi> I'll get some in a sec. * @Satoshi wipes at his face. * Katie nods. "Okay, good." She stretches a little. "Because I can't get them for you." <@Satoshi> Wataru might. Although he'd have to be able to see the tissue box. And I don't know if telekinesis works over video chat. I actually did manage to get my telepathy to work with Haruko over chat once, though. * Katie blinks. "So all you have to do is see a person. Distance doesn't matter?" * @Satoshi shrugs a little. "Apparently not if I can see the person? But I can do it within a certain range without being able to see someone, since I've done that back home a bunch of times." * Katie lets out a faint 'huh', obviously thinking about that. "That doesn't make any sense." * @Satoshi sighs. "No, it doesn't. But technology and Arcana powers are kind of a new thing. Like I wonder what Kaede would be if we *didn't* have all this technology. Really good with letters?" Who knows? If your telepathy *is* like a sense and video aids in it... like hearing something from a certain distance away or from a recording. You'd still hear it. <@Satoshi> Hang on a sec; I'm going to get those tissues. * @Satoshi stands up and moves offscreen. "Well, you can hear me just fine, right?" Yeah. <@Satoshi> So maybe it is like a sense. Psychic powers are called sixth senses sometimes, yeah? * @Satoshi blows his nose, still thankfully offscreen. * Katie's eyes go in the direction of where Satoshi went in relation to the mic, not that this matters at all. "Yeah, I think so." * @Satoshi sits back down, placing a box of tissues on his desk. "Might be worth experimenting with more sometime, but now's not the time." * Katie nods. * @Satoshi sighs. "So, I am a mess who is working at being less of a mess though I am really only now acknowledging some of the depths and reasons of my messiness." * Katie laughs. "Yeah." That sounds about right. * @Satoshi lets out a slow breath. "I really am sorry for how I acted back then. You have the right not to, but I hope that someday you'll forgive me. Someday. When you're ready." He lets out another breath. "Forgive and not forget, because believe me, I'm not forgetting." * Katie sighs. "You didn't-" She cuts herself off and shakes her head. "Satoshi. I know." You're made of sorry. But thank you anyway. * @Satoshi smiles a bit. "I'm trying to be made of other things than sorry." Like what? Bananas? Bagels? <@Satoshi> Peanut butter cookies, actually. <@Satoshi> We baked yesterday. It was an adventure. Oh, awesome! Pictures! Story! Samples! * @Satoshi grins. "Can do the first two. The third's a little hard. Although when I come back for the summer, I can try making them." * Katie fistpumps. "*Yes*. I'll help. I want to help." I'm terrible at baking and I still want to help. * @Satoshi blinks, then smiles. "How are you at stirring?" ... Okay? Probably. * @Satoshi is typing something in the background. "So you can stir the batter, then." I can try. What are you doing? <@Satoshi> Getting ready to send you pictures. * @Satoshi clicks something. "There. Sent." * Katie gets an e-mail, and she brightens. "Cool, I'll look at it later." * @Satoshi nods. "So, I just realized something." Hm? <@Satoshi> I just said 'when I come back for the summer' like it was totally natural. Why wouldn't it be? * @Satoshi half-smiles. "Well, I had been thinking I might need to come back sooner, but... staying here for the rest of the season, and then the semester, is really what I want to do." <@Satoshi> That having been said... <@Satoshi> If things really start to go south and you guys need me, I will come back. * Katie nods. I hope so. You'll know if that happens. <@Satoshi> Yeah. <@Satoshi> And you can call me any time you need to. I'll probably stick to instant messages most of the time, but thanks. * @Satoshi smiles. "I enjoy our IM'ing. Just wanted to remind." Okay. * Katie smiles back. "Thanks." <@Satoshi> You're welcome. <@Satoshi> So, when we make peanut butter cookies, it'll probably be a little less interesting than yesterday's baking session... * Katie shifts a little. "Yeah? Did Joshua find you an oven?" * @Satoshi chuckles. "Oh, he did." <@Grysar> [But how? We may know, but not today. End!]