[Grysar] Wataru gets to work. The traditional spreads aren't so great at solid questions like how and why, but with some guidance from his books he approaches this with a single spread of his own devising. The predominant card that defines the present situation is Judgment Reversed. Self-doubt, a refusal of self-examination. It seems like the Tower Reversed itself will remain fine, albeit unguarded. The greater risk of delay is stagnation and the loss of opportunities that comes with it. Most other things in the past confirm things Wataru already knows about Satoshi's history. That said, one unexpected and likely unwelcome presence is the Ace of Wands. Based on the emotional response he received when placing down the card, it likely refers to the man himself. Of the two paths: Original 2*5 candles: The problem this reading will focus on overcoming is the Seven of Swords, theft and indecision. That may be referencing whatever Temperance was up to, but there's something older here as well. The likely outcome is Death, in the change and growth sense, not the leaving this mortal coil sense, but this does still path is the more challenging one. The potential future is Justice, in the straightforward sense. Justice for who exactly is not clear, but Satoshi would be delivering it rather than its target. 10 candles: There's a Six of Wands there, indicating that Wataru's spread would totally work, triumphal return. The future is the High Priestess, greater self knowledge of the Watanabe's through the generation. Temperance is there too, in the person sense, but in a position that indicates her history and not her activities of the past several years. The potential here is the Heirophant, hidden knowledge. ***** <@Grysar> [Date: Sunday, April 25th, Evening in Japan. Morning in Maine] <@Grysar> [Wataru has had the chance to do a reading after his last chat with Satoshi, one that lays out a bit about the two different possible path.] <@Grysar> [There's also been a few more encrypted emails in the meantime, that discuss some paths the Hanged Man might want to take regarding Shuffle.] <@Grysar> [Wataru and Satoshi earlier planned a time to discuss the results, and that time is now as the vid-chat starts up without any technological hurdles.] <@Grysar> [Start!] * Wataru hasn't shaved in a few days. That's probably the first thing Satoshi notices. There's a moment before Wataru realizes the connection is up, where he's gazing emptily into the middle distance, features drawn and serious. * @Satoshi hasn't shaved in a few days, either, but it's way less noticeable on him. His hair is pulled back again and he's wearing a dark blue raglan shirt with dark gray sleeves. He has a cheerful smile as he connects. "Hey, Wataru," he says, before his voice and his smile fade as he gets a better look at him. "...Wataru? What's wrong? ...is it that bad?" * Wataru blinks, and the smile returns to his features. He's in a brown t- shirt and black hoodie. "Hey. No - no, it's not. Nothing's..." He shakes his head. "Been an emotional couple days. But I'm ... Anyway, the reading was positive. That's what you were asking about, yeah?" * @Satoshi frowns a little. "That's what I was asking about, but... you want to talk about what's been going on?" He looks a bit embarrassed. "I mean... we don't have to but... I'm here, you know, if you want to." * Wataru smiles, a litle shyly. "Mm.." he runs his hands through his hair. "I'm kind of upset with the group. Well, upset with myself, about the group. I don't know." He sighs. "It's very dumb and it's all on me." * @Satoshi gives him a little smile in return. "I highly doubt I'll think it's dumb. What happened?" * Wataru shakes his head. "....Well," he says, looking off to the side, "for the past few weeks, I've been wrestling with what to do about Shuffle, and fucking terrified as well you know. But I had some ideas, and I was going to tell people about them soon...." * @Satoshi nods. "Okay. I'm following you so far," he says in a quiet, calm voice. * Wataru has a quick shrug. "You read the emails that've been going around?" * @Satoshi nods. "Yeah, the most recent ones I saw were yesterday, from Katie and Haruko and Kaede." * Wataru nods. His eyes are back in the middle distance. "Welp. No matter what I say now, it'll never have been my idea." * @Satoshi blinks at him a couple of times. "I... what? Which part?" "The part where I go in as an independent, not denying that I know you but underplaying it, pretending that I'm not aligned. I thought I'd had a good idea. But then Katie had to go and have it too." * @Satoshi lets out a quiet "oh..." before rubbing his chin for a moment and then continuing. "But, I mean, it's still a good idea, no matter who has it, right? I mean, both of you guys having it, that doesn't make it bad. I kind of think it's the opposite." * Wataru shrugs. "That's why it's dumb how hard I'm kicking myself over it. You know, I thought - " he laughs, once, humourless. "I thought I might make a good impression. Prove that, I don't know, I had some value in this team. But now I'm just following along to someone else's good idea again." * @Satoshi lets out another "ohhhh," this one longer. "Well... you're valuable to me." He pauses. "I mean, you're helping me out a lot, with your research and this reading and everything. And you're coming up with ideas. That's better than anything I've been able to pull off lately, with all this Shuffle stuff. But... I get it. I do. I get wanting to impress people and have them see you're valuable." * Wataru looks at him, and his expression softens. "Mm... yeah. Thanks, man." He sighs, and gently lets himself lean back in his chair. "That means a lot to me. But you've also always made me feel welcome, which - I mean, I'm infinitely grateful for that. But I still feel the others see me as..." He shrugs . "An outsider at best, a dumb loser child at worst. It's probably all in my head." * @Satoshi half-smiles at him. "I don't think they all see you that way. They're not one big united mind or something. Believe me, I'd know. I was their conduit at the End of the World fight." * Wataru takes a moment to figure out what he means by 'conduit', but when he gets it, he grins. "They seem like one, though. Or at least like, a hydra that argues with itself a lot." * @Satoshi laughs. "Oh man, that's a fantastic mental image." "Anyway, it's just imposter syndrome. I've never had a group of friends before, I feel like I've got a lot to prove. Blah, I can't believe I'm talking to you about this," he laughs, covering his quickly-heating face with his hands. * @Satoshi smiles at him. "Hey, I asked. I'm glad you're willing to talk to me about things. I haven't really heard of 'imposter syndrome' before, though." "Ah," he chuckles. "It's... It's a big fancy name, but you know, I think everybody gets it sometimes. Like. When you feel you're not good enough, or you're a big fake, and somehow nobody's noticed yet and so you're getting away with it for now. Like everybody else has their shit together and you're winging it and you can't understand why they can't see right through you." * @Satoshi nods. "Oh. Oh yeah. Okay, yeah. Definitely know the experience very well." * Wataru smiles. "Thought you might. My therapist - my old therapist - she said everybody gets it sometimes, but some people can't really get beyond it. Usually I'm... I got better at it. But right now, whoo. God. It's this Council stuff, man. I don't want to have anything to do with it at *all*." * @Satoshi looks down and off to his left side for a moment. "I'd be lying if I said there wasn't a part of me that wants you to stay away from it entirely." * Wataru inclines his head with a slight smile. "The question is, do we make these choices for ourselves, or for the greater good. I kind of hate being the Hanged Man sometimes, but I am what I am. I'll regret it, but I doubt I'll be able to keep myself from stepping up if I'm needed." He sighs, heavily. "Judgment Reversed." * @Satoshi nearly falls out of his chair. "Wait, wait wait did you just call me Judgement Reversed?" * Wataru starts. "N-not you, no, I mean the card. Self-doubt, stagnation - it's..." He blushes heavily. "I'm sorry. Judgement Reversed has been happening to me a lot since that damn owl." * @Satoshi still looks a bit spooked. "Ah, okay. Sorry. As you can see, I still get scared, too." He sighs. "Self-doubt, huh? Maybe I really am Judgement Reversed after all." * Wataru chuckles. "I doubt it. But cards are cards too, on top of being us." He sighs. "Judgment Reversed was pretty central to the spread I did, too, but I'm pretty confident it's the meaning that I was talking about before. Self- doubt, a refusal of self-examination." * @Satoshi looks straight at Wataru. "This is the one you did for me?" he asks, very quietly. * Wataru nods, once. "Got some pretty good stuff, if you're ready." * @Satoshi blinks a few times and swallows. "Yeah, hang on." He reaches over to grab his notepad and pen. Wataru can see that there's already some writing (in Japanese) on it. "Okay. Lay it on me." "All right." As he looks at his own notes, Satoshi might notice that he's already a little calmer, more in his element. "So I did a core one and then two offshoots, depending on which ritual diagram we go with. Core stuff was Judgment Reversed - metaphorically - and some more support that says basically, delaying the ritual would be fine, I mean, the Tower Reversed is stable enough, but the main reason to act sooner is opportunity cost if we don't. Might lose some chances. I'm not sure what those would be, though, that wasn't clear." * Wataru's notes, if Satoshi glimpses them, are actually in English, on the other hand. * @Satoshi carefully takes notes. "Okay," he says, glancing up up. Then he leans towards the screen to get a better look at something and laughs. "I guess we both write in our native languages, which has the advantage of being harder to read if someone stumbles across them. I'm being really careful with mine anyway." * Wataru laughs too. "Looks like it, huh." * @Satoshi holds his notes up to the screen briefly. His kanji and kana are really nicely written, too. * Wataru peers! He also shows Satoshi his own hopeless caffeinated scribbles. "Wow, I forgot how gorgeous your handwriting is," he remarks. * @Satoshi blushes. "O-oh, thanks. I'm not sure anyone's complimented me on that before. Yours is..." He smiles. "It's different from mine, but I like it." * Wataru snorts! "Thanks," he grins, shoulders shaking with understated laughter. "It's different all right. Anyway." Ack, now he's blushing too. Making Satoshi blush is ... pretty great *_* * @Satoshi turns his attention back to his notes. "Okay, so... that's true for both rituals, right?" "Yeah. And uh, one more card turned up, and you're not gonna like it, because this one feels like a person, not a concept." * @Satoshi hesitates. "The World?" "Not quite that bad," he smiles. "But a solid guess. No - Ace of Wands. Masaru Uehara." * @Satoshi blinks. "Oh. That's... weird. I wonder how in the world he'd be involved. I mean, I guess it'd be something because I used to pull the Ace of Wands and he *is* the Ace of Wands, and maybe we had or possibly still have some sort of connection, but I have no idea about it." He thinks for a second. "I wonder if I could still pull Ace of Wands if I wanted. Or if I pulled Judgement and set it aside and then drew again, would I still get Ace of Wands?" He stops and shakes his head. "Getting off-topic, sorry. Did it say how he's involved?" * Wataru shakes his head. "No, sorry. But on that topic - did Katie happen to tell you anything about our card-drawing experiments?" * @Satoshi thinks. "I don't think she did." "It didn't go that far, but - so... Ace of Wands aside, have you ever, like, deliberately picked a card that wasn't your own?" * @Satoshi shakes his head. "I was always Ace of Wands until I wasn't. That is, I switched over to Judgement after I had the vision of being Hideo, because at that point there was pretty much no denying it. I wonder what would have happened if I'd drawn in between Winston told me I was Judgement and the whole vision thing... man, I am rambling today. But no. I've never even tried. I didn't know you *could* try." "That's the same thing Katie said. But when Reiji confronted me with a deck in that alley, back in high school, all I could think of was 'don't pick the Hanged Man', and, well, I didn't. And I got him off my scent. So we tried again, the other day - and I," he blanches slightly, "I uh, I was able to not pick the Hanged Man again, but when Katie tried, she didn't manage. So I don't know if it's just maybe something I can do?" * @Satoshi thinks about it for a moment. "Maybe? It might be worth experimenting with when I get back? I'm actually kind of curious if I'd get the Ace of Wands after Judgement or if it would be something else." * Wataru smiles. "I'm always down for experimenting with you." I MEAN -- "You're gonna be here soon," he adds, with a quick smile. * @Satoshi nods. "Just a few more weeks." "So anyway, yeah. Katie and I tried doing SCIENCE but it didn't turn out so well for her. Maybe we'll try again some other time." * @Satoshi grins. "Science?" "Well, you know. Rigorous experimentation with Arcana weirdness." He grins. * @Satoshi laughs. "Somehow I don't think I'll be able to get away with that for my lab elective." * Wataru laughs. "Bummer. It's pretty fun - I actually really enjoy this shit when it's not scaring me half to death, you know." * @Satoshi makes a hmm sound. "Well, maybe your enthusiasm is contagious. It's less scary when I talk about it with you." "I'm glad," he says, earnestly. His eyes catch his notes on his desk again, and he exhales. "So let me get this tarot reading info out while we're both in a better mood. It's actually pretty good." * @Satoshi lets out a small, involuntary sigh. "Okay." He picks up his pen. "Less scary is still some quantiity of scary, though." "That is correct." Wataru eyes his notes. "Okay. So let me say that to my continuing surprise, the flash of instinct I had about chaning two fives into a ten really does seem like a solid and helpful idea. Unless I got it all wrong, it's looking like the smoother way, for sure." <@Satoshi> Huh! * @Satoshi writes this down. "So that's... that's good. And makes sense?" <@Satoshi> Because I'm not Hideo, and the two fives were designed for Hideo, so... I could do the ten? * Wataru nods. "So for the two fives first - some weird cards came up. Seven of Swords is our main challenge to overcome. Theft, indecision... I don't know if that's about whatever Temperance was up to, it might be, but there's something older there too." * @Satoshi continues taking notes, though he looks up at Wataru. "Older as in Hideo era, or even older than that?" * Wataru shakes his head. "Not sure. Could be that era, could be older. Sorry, it's not that clear." * @Satoshi nods. "Okay, so, theft and indecision. Maybe Hideo having to pick a Tower. Maybe having to keep it from someone? What else was in that reading?" "Deaaaath," Wataru says. "As in, changes and growth. And Justice. But that part was clear - literal, actual justice, and you would be the one delivering it." * @Satoshi pauses in his writing. "You know, Death still freaks me out, even though I know Major Arcana Death isn't... well... death death." "It took me like five years of mentally training myself to see it as a positive card," he admits. <@Satoshi> Okay, good, I still have a few more years to continue freaking out about it. * Wataru chuckles. "I think that's it for that branching path, then. It'll be challenging, you'll have stuff to overcome, but justice will be served. And you - or someone else - will change and grow from it." * @Satoshi finishes writing. "The harder path. Hideo's path, originally. But... not a bad one, ultimately?" "Doesn't seem like it. I mean, both of them offered favorable outcomes, overall, really. This one was more arduous. The one that I somehow inexplicably came up with is actually even better." * @Satoshi taps his pen against the notepad. "So did any of the cards overlap between them?" * Wataru checks out his notes. "You know what? They actually didn't. This one's got a six of wands instead of a seven of swords at the center. Triumphant return." * @Satoshi blinks. "Return of what?" "Mmmm.... you? It had a success kind of feeling." * @Satoshi frowns. "As long as it's not Hideo's triumphant return." * Wataru frowns. "That hadn't occurred to me." * @Satoshi exhales. "Well, what's the rest of it?" "Okay. Uh" He pushes his glasses back up. "Future card is High Priestess, which I read as a deeper knowledge of the Watanabes through the generations. Temperance is there too - the person - but again, this feels older. So more of her past than her present. And then there's the Hierophant as a potential reward. Hidden knowledge." * @Satoshi lets his pen rest on the notepad for a moment. "Could be what the past Temperance did, erasing Hideo's memories. But..." He sighs. "To me, this might be the scarier path." * Wataru exhales. "Yeah?" * @Satoshi nods. "Hideo, primarily." "Learning more about him? Or do you mean the risk of him, uh, coming back?" * @Satoshi makes a face. "More the latter, but... kind of both? I mean, I don't know if I really want to know more about him. I mean, either he was a completely terrible person, which is not something you really want to know about your previous self, or... he wasn't. But he ended up that way. Which means I could, too." Wataru smiles awkwardly. "We could all end up terrible people. Anybody could. I think that's an important thing for anybody to keep in mind." Satoshi sighs. "Yeah, you're right. I don't really like thinking about it, but..." He frowns. "I feel like a broken record sometimes, with everything about Hideo. Maybe this is what I need to start dealing with it." Wataru nods gently. "Only you can know that. Man, I really wish I could be there with you, though. I'd feel a lot more secure about this ritual if I could be there in person." "Me too," Satoshi says quietly. "The thought of doing this alone is really scary. Maybe I should... I don't know. But, I mean... Thank you for doing all this research for me. I really appreciate it. I hope you don't think I'm not grateful for that. I am. This is just a big, difficult thing." "It really is. And I legitimately enjoyed helping you out... Guh, I should start thinking about this Reiji Ozawa thing too, I guess." Satoshi tilts his head slightly as he looks at Wataru. "How's that going? I hadn't heard anything in a while." "Thaaaat's because I haven't touched it in a while. Recall my earlier comment about indecision and stuff." He tucks a curl behind his ear, but it's short enough that it pops right back. He doesn't seem to notice. "Yeah, plus you guys have all been busy and stuff." He smiles a little at Wataru's defiant curl. "If there's anything you think I can help you with there, let me know." His expression grows solemn. "I'd kind of given up on there being anything that could be done to help him." Wataru has a deep breath. "I'm ultimately very bad at giving up." Satoshi nods. "Determination can be a good thing." He hesitates before saying, "But I know I'm going to worry about you guys, so... Be careful, okay?" Wataru feels a strange lump in his throat. He nods, swallows. "Yeah," he says. "Promise." He exhales, leaning back in his chair. "Is it weird to say 'I miss you' while I'm talking to you.....?" Satoshi shakes his head. "I don't think so. But I will be back soon. Tower or no Tower, I'm going to finish my classes and take my finals and then I'll be home." Wataru smiles. "I'm sure everyone's gonna be happy about that. Even if they're a conflicted hydra." Satoshi chuckles. "I'll be happy to see everyone again, although now I'm possibly just going to start giggling the first time I see them. And we'll be the only ones who know why." Wataru grins. "I've gotta admit, I like the sound of that." Satoshi smiles, closing his eyes and leaning back in his chair. "Well, maybe that'll be how it plays out. I guess it depends on when I actually get to see all of you. But we don't have to figure all of that out right now." He opens his eyes and lets out a long breath. "I'm still not entirely decided on what to do about the Tower. I don't want to sound ungrateful or anything to you for all the work that you've done, but I'm still not entirely convinced one way or another. Part of me still wants to wait until I've had a chance to come back and talk with all of you and have you look at the letter. And there's both rituals to consider, although the fact that the one called out to you so strongly..." Wataru watches Satoshi, heart pounding. Then he nods. "I mean, my reading did say the thing was stable, just that delaying would be an opportunity cost of some kind. But I feel like only you can really decide what feels right, you know?" Satoshi looks down at his keyboard. "It's funny," he says, "because while I'm generally all 'I want to do my own thing and not some predetermined Fate,' I think there was a part of me that was hoping your reading would say 'Hey do this.'" He looks back up at the camera, trying to meet Wataru's eyes through it. "But honestly, it's good that it's ultimately my decision. This is important and I want to do the right thing." Then he sighs. "But it's just so easy for me to convince myself to not do anything." Wataru nods, his own gaze growing distant. "Yeah..... I kind of feel like that about Shuffle. I just... I really wish I could do nothing." Satoshi nods grimly. "Me too. I don't want anything to do with Shuffle. Or a Council. I want there to not even be a Council. Like... why *now*, seriously?" He half-smiles. "Although from what I got from my vision of Hideo, it sounded like he wasn't too fond of the idea, either. Maybe we have more in common than I like to admit." "God, me too, I mean, I don't want one either. Katie and Haruko seem to be all over it but I just... I wish it didn't exist at all." He rubs his face. "Ugh." Satoshi sighs. "They at least sound like they have plans, though I'd rather we all just left the damn thing alone so that they can't claim any sort of authority over us." He frowns. "But that's not my decision. Everyone's free to make their own." Another sigh. "Though I guess I should check in with them to see what their plans are." "It's... It's actually a big relief to hear you speak this way, though. I thought it was just me. You know, the new guy, who doesn't know anything. I feel better knowing someone who's been around longer has some of the same thoughts." Satoshi shakes his head. "It's not just you. I doubt it's just us. But... if this thing is going to happen, we should at least know what the rest of the group has planned." He makes an amused sound. "Go in and face the hydra." Wataru giggles...! "So let's keep checking in with them so at the very least we don't accidentally mess something up that they have in mind because we didn't know about it." Satoshi does not add that he might feel tempted to deliberately mess with something once he does know about it. He probably won't follow through with it, though. Wataru nods. "Okay. So we can be a, like, wary mini-team inside a bigger team. While we both pretend not to be in any team. Or something." "Or something," Satoshi agrees. "We can figure it out as we go along and get more information." Wataru nods. "All right. Sounds like a plan." He smiles. It's weak, but it's sincere. "Yep, it's a plan." Satoshi smiles back. "My suggestion, though obviously you don't have to follow it, would be to follow up with Katie on things." Wataru sighs. "I should, yeah. And I'll keep you updated with what I learn." "Thanks. Do you think we should divide up our efforts? I could talk to Haruko." Wataru giggles again, realizes he's giggling a lot, blushes, then realizes he's blushing. Aah! "That sounds good," he hurries to say. "Teamwork." Satoshi snerks. "You were thinking about the hydra again, weren't you?" "Divide and conquer," he kids, relieved by Satoshi's BLISSFUL IGNORANCE. "Nah, but seriously though, I know they're all decent people. It's just hard to trust a bunch of people with different opinions PLUS your own instincts at the same time." Satoshi nods. "It really is. Especially when you're like me and you have trouble trusting your own instincts in the face of a bunch of different opinions. But. Working on it." Wataru nods. After a moment, he says, "So I would not have expected that two people admitting they're uncertain and worried would make them feel stronger. Made me feel stronger, at least..." Satoshi smiles shyly. "I think it's nice to know that it's not just you. That there's someone else out there going through the same thing... and they understand, and they're not going to push you away or get mad at you." That smile makes something inside Wataru *explode*. How is he even going to manage being a smooth and considerate cool guy when he confesses his love to Satoshi in a few weeks, and not just, like, roll around on the ground going AAA YOU'RE SO CUTE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH???? "Yeah," he manages, getting a smile out there that hopefully looks human. "That's probably it." As he is currently not utilizing his telepathy, Satoshi is unaware of Wataru's thought processes and internal explosions. This is probably for the best. "Thanks again for doing the ritual readings for me, and the diagrams, and for talking about this with me. I really appreciate it." "Anytime," he says, "I mean it." "And the same goes for you," Satoshi replies. [End!]