<@Grysar> [December 13, 2003: Satoshi and Katie are on the phone for the 
first time in a long time. Satoshi has just sent an apologetic email 
reaching out to Katie and the Page of Swords has reached back, but she 
does have a few questions and observations.]
<@Grysar> [Resume!]
 06* Satoshi pauses for a bit before responding. "Yeah. Yeah, we did. We 
just... started talking more and we started to understand each other a 
little more and she became less intimidating and more of... more of a 
friend." He sounds a bit nervous again, after having started to relax 
during the chemistry conversation.
 06* Katie nods on the other end, lying back on her bed to look at the 
ceiling. She lets the conversation lapse into silence for a few seconds 
before asking, "Why? You barely talked to me after we sealed the gates. I 
knew you and Kaede were pretty close, from before, but..."
<@Grysar> * Kumaguro notices this disturbance in the bedframe and stands 
up, walking over to the Katie at rest and rubbing his cheek against her 
side.
 06* Satoshi exhales. "With the exception of Kaede, I'm not that good at 
maintaining relationships. I'm not sure how Haruko would feel about being 
called low-maintenance, but she's definitely an extrovert. So once we 
started talking more, beginning with her crazy Arcana field experiments, 
it was easy to keep it up. She started off doing a lot of the work on her 
end. It's more balanced now."
<@Grysar> (<Haruko> I'd feel great! First time anyone's ever said that 
about me.)
 06* Katie switches which hand has the phone and starts petting Kumaguro, 
head to rear. "I see," she says, a bit distantly. "Well... good for you."
<@Grysar> [I'm gonna let you finish, but just so you know, Katie probably 
has a clue-tracking engine in the back of her head that reminds her that 
she has an archive of Satoshi and Haruko's conversation in her desk 
drawer, probably going back at least until March. However, this is still 
the same scene, so no roll needed.]
<@Grysar> * Kumaguro, on the other hand, is not in a desk drawer. He's 
right there and cuddles up against her now that he's being petted again.
 06* Katie, with those last few exchanges, went from sounding fine to a 
mixture of lost, jealous, and upset. There's even some anger lurking 
under there. With such a quick turnaround, though, it's possible she 
wasn't all that fine to begin with.
<Satoshi> I'm sorry.  I should've never let things with you get to the 
point they are.  I should have reached out sooner, should've actually 
done something rather than worrying about what the right thing to do was.  
Because if I was worried about pushing you away, I'd have to say I've 
done a pretty good job of it.
 06* Katie asks, "Really?" Now she's not distant at all. The hand petting 
Kumaguro stills. "You were worried about *pushing me away*?"
 06* Satoshi runs his none-phone-holding hand through his hair. "No. 
Well, yes, kind of, in that I realized what I was doing long after I 
started doing it. But at first... I didn't know what to do. Didn't know 
how to do it. So I didn't do it. Let it go. Let the guilt build up and 
then when I thought about what I should do because I hadn't done so the 
guilt built up even more." He pauses. "It's a fucking useless emotion, 
guilt."
 06* Katie says, thoughtfully, "Sometimes." At least she doesn't sound 
angry anymore. "I wasn't a good person to be around. I can't blame you 
for not knowing how to deal with me. Or not wanting to. I know that I was 
pushing you and Haruko, especially, to do things that you didn't want to 
do."
 01<Katie> I thought that was why you ended up being close.
<@Grysar> * Kumaguro had seemed a little tense when the petting stopped. 
He doesn't quite seem comforted by the change in her voice, but walks 
over the reclined Katie and rubs his cheek against her other side.
 06* Katie blinks and switches phone-hands again, then resumes with the 
pettings. There you go, cat.
<@Grysar> * Kumaguro seems satisfied again and sits down to accept 
further petting.
 06* Satoshi lets out a long breath. "No. We may have started out with 
crazy Arcana experiments but after everything ended we didn't really talk 
about it much at all." He pauses for a moment, then resumes. "And even 
when you weren't a good person to be around, I could have been around."
 06* Katie shrugs, not that Satoshi could see it. "You were, as far as 
that goes. I didn't really ask." Her tone's gotten conversational again. 
"It seems to have worked out for you so far, except for Intro to 
Chemistry and Pre-Calculus. Why the change of heart?"
<@Grysar> [There's a bit of a pause as Satoshi ponders the pattern behind 
Katie's question. He doesn't have the benefit of really been able to read 
her mind much, but he has known her some time and through very tough 
circumstances.]
 06* Katie asks, mild worry coming through now, "Satoshi? Are you there?"
<Satoshi> Yeah, I'm here.  Just thinking about how to answer that.
 06* Katie sits up and gives Kumaguro a really good pet-scritching. He's 
Kyon's cat, but he's still there for her.
<@Grysar> * Kumaguro purrs contentedly. Good Katie, that's at least 
another month before he decides one of your canvases will make a great 
scratching post.
 06* Katie usually keeps him out of her room for that reason, GM.
<@Grysar> * Kumaguro spends a lot of time around Katie thinking "curses, 
foiled again."
 06* Satoshi takes another deep breath and starts going again. "So, 
you're right in that some of this did come from talking with Haruko 
recently. But I'd been thinking about it for a while beforehand. So yeah, 
Haruko was the catalyst, but not the only reason. I shouldn't have needed 
her as the catalyst. And I'm not going to tell her anything you don't 
want told, although given that you've been hanging out together, you can 
talk in person. If you want." He pauses in his rambling. "I'd made up my 
mind that I was going to try and contact you when I got back to Japan for 
the winter break. But I think I might have chickened out again. So this 
was good, in a way. Bad that it took so long." He sighs. "I think I'm an 
idiot. What do you want to do with me?"
 06* Katie wrinkles her brow a little during Satoshi's rambling, but she 
doesn't stop petting Kumaguro.
 01<Katie> What do I want to do with you? What is there *to* do? I don't- 
I can't- ugh.
 06* Katie switches to English and starts with the rapid-fire speech, low 
in volume but high in intensity: "<You left my life, Satoshi. I thought 
you were unhappy with me. I thought you'd given up. And maybe you did, or 
maybe *I* had given up. I had to rebuild myself. You were there. But 
maybe you don't understand, because you were barely there. And the thing 
is, I don't blame you. I've never really blamed you because I deserved 
it. I wasn't the person you knew. How can people be friends when they 
don't know each other? You and Haruko, you're still friends because 
you're the same people. I'm not. I'm not the same person.>"
 01<Katie> <And now you ask me what I want to do with you? I don't 
fucking know. I'm angry, Satoshi. I'm pissed. My life got fucked up, I 
got fucked up, and I thought I knew how things were and now they're not. 
I can get along with you, but I can get along with fucking *Shika* if she 
were to show up at my apartment for a day and for some reason Kyon 
figured she was an important guest.>
 06* Katie pauses for a moment, then says, "<But at least I don't want to 
kill you. That's good.>" It comes out half as a joke. "<I guess I'd like 
to be friends. But I don't know how to make things the same.>"
<@Grysar> * Kumaguro yowls suddenly at the end of this. He really doesn't 
know what's going on, but he doesn't think he likes it.
 06* Katie starts and looks down at the cat. "Shush," she tells him 
softly in Japanese (though Satoshi can hear it, just like he could have 
heard a yowling cat). "It's okay, Kumaguro. Things are okay." She pets 
him in what she hopes is a soothing manner.
<@Grysar> * Kumaguro quiets down but he just looks at Katie. Judgingly. 
Or perhaps he wants a treat. Hard to say.
 06* Katie just scritches Kumaguro behind his kitty ears.
<@Grysar> * Kumaguro will defend monogamous emotional intimacy with his 
master... oh, that spot by the left ear? That's really nice. What was I 
meowing about? Never mind.
 06* Satoshi says, slowly, "Well, I'm glad you don't want to kill me." He 
pauses, and then there is cat-yowling, and then he resumes. "I don't 
think things *can* be the same. You just said you're not the same person 
as back then. But... is there a reason why we can't work on it now? Okay, 
maybe we'll find that things have changed too much and it just won't work 
out. But I don't think that's true. I would like to try. I would like to 
be your friend again."
 06* Katie is silent for a long moment, then she says, "Okay."
<Satoshi> I missed you.  I'm sorry I let it go on for so long.
 06* Katie nods, and then, as Satoshi can't see it, she says, "I've 
missed you, too." All of the intensity has left her voice. "Do you... um. 
Where do you want to start?"
<Satoshi> Well, if we were actually together, I could give you a hug.  
That's kind of hard to do over the phone.  But, uh, next time I see you?  
Which could be in a few weeks.
 01<Katie> Yeah... that'd be nice. Sure. Let me know when you're free. We 
could get something to eat?
<Satoshi> That'd be really good.  And... calling is tricky, given the 
time difference, but you can always call if you need me.  If you want we 
can set up a schedule, though probably after finals.  It's what I do with 
Kaede.  And we e-mail a fair amount.
 01<Katie> Do you talk much?
 06* Katie sounds curious.
<Satoshi> More e-mails than phone calls, but we try to talk once a month 
or so.  He's been pretty busy lately, though.
 06* Katie snorts. "He's always busy. He's going to school full time and 
effectively working a full time job. At least he doesn't have the bike 
shop nailing him down as much anymore."
<Satoshi> True.  Although he does seem to be tinkering a bit more lately.  
Actually had some neat-sounding design ideas the last time I talked.
<Satoshi> ...don't ask me what they were ideas *for*, though.  The 
connection was bad and I only understood about half of the words.
 06* Katie laughs. "Yeah, that happens."
<@Grysar> [And Katie hears Haruko's bike pulling up outside. The engine 
has a slightly different sound that's likely fairly familiar by now. 
She's coming in a bit faster than usual, but still comes to a smooth 
stop. It'll be a minute or two until she's up though even if she 
hustles.]
 06* Katie hears that and stands, looking out the window. "I'm going to 
have to go. Send me that study guide, and I'll respond by e-mail, or 
maybe we could get a chat thing going? I got an instant message thing 
installed on my laptop for that group project."
<Satoshi> Sure!  I'll send you the guide today and I'll send my messenger 
info with that, too.
<@Grysar> [Katie even got one of those multi-service ones. Because Moeta 
and Hotaru use different clients.]
 06* Katie smiles. "Okay, great. I'll send you my phone numbers, too..." 
And then: "Oh! Before I go, who was the guy who answered the phone before 
you picked up? I was surprised to hear Japanese from someone who wasn't 
you, but then it turned out to be terrible."
<Satoshi> Oh lord... that's my roommate, Paul.  He's an otaku.  He was so 
happy to be rooming with an actual Japanese guy! ...and then I turn out 
to be someone who watches no anime, reads no manga, and plays no games.  
He generally nice and means well, but... yeah.
 06* Katie pffts and bursts out laughing.
<@Grysar> * Haruko meanwhile rushes up, albiet with a flurry of small 
steps. She's panting a bit as she stands outside the door. She takes a 
moment to compose herself before rapping her knuckles on the door so 
lightly that no normal person could possibly hear it.
 06* Katie tries to compose herself, but it's hard. "I've... I've got to 
go. I'll talk to you later. And, um. Thanks for e-mailing me. Really."
 06* Satoshi sounds both happy and amused. "Okay. I'll talk to you soon. 
And you're welcome, and thank you."
 06* Katie hangs up and puts her phone down on her desk, as she'd walked 
over there, and takes Haruko's out from the drawer. She takes a deep 
breath, removing the smile from her face (but not her eyes), and walks 
barefoot into the hallway and main area, turning on lights as she goes so 
it's a little less obvious she has effective low-light vision.
 06* Katie opens the door.
<@Grysar> * Haruko stands looking a bit flush behind the door. 
Incongruously she's wearing a teal color dressed that goes down to a bit 
above her knees with a vintage American-style. She's also wearing 
matching leggings and a not matching leather jacket, because motorcycling 
in December. She's got a teal headband to match with a daisy pattern a 
bit off to one side. "Thank you Katie, I'm sorry to come by so late." She 
bows somewhat deeply.
 06* Katie passes Haruko her phone. "Out clubbing?"
 06* Haruko takes it back and glances at it for a moment, instinctively. 
New messages have arrived since Satoshi's, but it's still at the base of 
her screen. "You could say that." She comments vaguely. As she reads the 
last message she gets a familiar sheepish expression. Like someone that's 
just been caught doing something she's not entirely sure was necessarily 
wrong in the first place. "Uh, you okay?" She steels herself enough to 
make eye contact after asking.
<@Grysar> [Meanwhile, Satoshi goes offscreen for waffles. Paul is in fact 
in the hallway, having a discussion with the RA about practicing his 
Japanese in the hallway.]
 06* Katie has managed to get her expression under control, and she meets 
Haruko's gaze calmly. "Satoshi needs help with his Intro to Chemistry 
class."
 06* Haruko takes a moment to process that and looking at Katie's eyes 
before trying her best to give a constrained smile. She's only so 
successful. She carefully considers her words before trying this subtle 
thing people are always telling her about. "He's a hard worker with good 
friends. I think things will go well."
 06* Katie says, deadpan, "I hope so, too." She grins. "Nobody wants him 
to fail Chemistry."
 01<Katie> So - do you want to go back to doing something like clubbing, 
or are you escaping from something like clubbing?
 06* Haruko looks torn by the question. "I... I should probably go back. 
But we should get together sometime soon. Maybe when he's in town or for 
New Year's. I can never remember how American holiday schedules work." 
She slips her phone into her purse.
 01<Katie> He said winter break's coming up in a few weeks, yeah.
 06* Haruko nods and seems faintly reassured that she's correctly playing 
this talking about something without talking about game. "Good. I'll, uh, 
send some suggestions to both of you. We'll figure something out. It'll 
be fun to do..." She chokes up a little. That's seriously going to cost 
her points. "To do something together again. Like, you know, we were-- we 
should have been." She instinctively rubs at one of her eyes. Something 
must have gotten in it on the way up.
 06* Katie lets out a small sigh through her nose. She holds the door 
open wide. "Come in. Do you want tea?"
 06* Haruko gives a short look down to the hallway to whatever she's 
abandoning before stepping in, pausing before removing her shoes. She's 
definitely crying a bit now, and apologizes for imposing on Katie in the 
traditional Japanese greeting manner. She adds "Yes, please." Before 
looking guiltily at a clock and then Katie. "I'm okay, really. You don't 
need to. It's just, I didn't see it." And now Haruko has completely lost 
the don't talk about it game. "Sorry."
 01<Katie> Don't feel bad. It's not like our friendship was your 
responsibility, anyway.
 06* Haruko shakes her head. "Taking care of my friends, or rather, 
helping my friends take care of themselves, is my responsibility."
 06* Haruko also gets out a tissue packet from her purse and takes this 
opportunity to try to resume the appearance of someone with their shit at 
least a little together and avoid a run on her makeup.
 06* Katie is setting the kettle to boil, so Haruko at least has the 
illusion of privacy. "I don't want to hear it," she says. "You did 
plenty."
 06* Haruko smiles a little. "Thank you." She slips off her shoes and 
gratefully takes advantage of the privacy to get herself together again 
and hang up her incongruous jacket. She comes in a little there-after. "I 
shouldn't impose on you for more than a cup. But thank you."
 06* Haruko does close the door behind her, gently.
 06* Katie smiles at Haruko. "Don't worry about it."
<@Haruko> [End!]