[Ciara] Satoshi's day has improved since he left the dining hall that morning. Talking with Joshua helped, and while the way in which he beat Liam in the shootout wasn't exactly the best possible outcome, right now no one seems to be asking him too much about it. Sticks break, after all, especially on hard shots, and maybe the net was just weak in that one particular spot. Honestly, he's just glad that the puck didn't make contact with Grant. *That* would have been bad, and he would have felt terrible about it. So he'll need to be more careful in the future, and maybe lie low for a while and hope that Liam stops giving him those appraising looks. After they leave the rink, Satoshi and Grant head off to the library to work on trig together, while Liam goes off to do whatever it is he does on Sundays. Satoshi and Grant both wonder if that's when he goes on dates, and if so why they don't ever get to meet any of them. Maybe it's a different girl each week. They're really surprised that he doesn't want to talk about it at all, though, but they respect that. They take a break to grab dinner, then Satoshi heads back to the library. He prefers studying there to in his room; it's quieter than the dorm lounge, but there are enough people around that he doesn't feel too isolated, and while he likes his roommate, Paul has a tendency to either play various J-pop songs a little too loudly or practice his verbal Japanese, and it's distracting in a way he really doesn't want to be distracted. Around 8PM, he starts checking his phone every so often. It's turned to silent, as per library rules (actually, he's had it on silent ever since he turned it back on). He can hear Liam's voice in his head, talking about boundaries, and he mentally argues to himself that he's not sending a bunch of texts, he's just checking in when no one else is around. It's after 10AM over there now. Surely Wataru's awake by now? Maybe he woke up late and didn't get a chance to text before going to class. Stop worrying so much. By 9:30, he's given up on studying for the night - he's starting to get tired anyway - and heads back to his dorm room, setting his phone to vibrate along the way. He gets back to the room, chats with Paul for a bit, and then starts to get ready for bed. He thinks he's done pretty well at keeping himself distracted. Just as he's about to give up for the night, his phone buzzes, and there's a message from Wataru. He reads it quickly, taking note of a few things that it says, and decides that e- mail is probably the best way to reply. (Encrypted e-mail) Date: Early Afternoon of January 19, 2004 (Japan) / Late Night January 18, 2004 (Maine) Subject: Communication To: Wataru Yamada Hey! First off, I am really sorry about this morning. I didn't quite understand what you meant, so yeah, next time we'll make sure to get things clear beforehand. There are going to be times where I'm not available, because games and classes and studying and stuff, but I promise that if you send me something when I'm not around, I'll get back to you. We can still schedule chats and such, though maybe messenger rather than video for a while so we don't have to worry about internet bills. Or maybe phone calls, if you'd prefer that. Breakfast was pretty good; I chatted with Joshua for a while and that was nice. And Liam *is* kind of a jerk sometimes, but I think we worked things out. Possibly in an overly dramatic fashion. Let's just say that there may have been a competition involved, and I may have been kinda mad at him still for the whole text thing, and I may have manifested that into shooting the puck way harder than I intended. ^^; But I think I can explain it as faulty equipment, and I just have to watch myself for a while. Are you trying to tell me that you dreamed about someone pretending to be me? Or is this Arcana Weirdness? And now it's my turn to crash for the night. Talk to you in the morning! Satoshi P.S. First essay assignment is due Wednesday; are you still up for looking over those? --- [Jihatsu] Wataru has been catching up on Homestar Runner when he notices he has an email. Nervous, he opens it... He sighs, almost as if his body was relaxing incrementally with every word. He did it! He rescued the friendship! _Yep, well done, you've successfully lined yourself up for more pain and suffering,_ says a voice in his head. _The Hanged Man only ever hangs himself._ Yeah, well. He'll cross that bridge when he comes to it. Wataru thinks for a minute, and then starts typing... (Encrypted email) Date: Mid Afternoon of January 19, 2004 (Japan) / early morning of January 19, 2004 (Maine) Subject: Re: Communication To: Satoshi Watanabe Omg, did you break something? Be careful! But I guess I don't need to tell you that, being my Arcana senpai and all. I have definitely done minor damages in telekinetic fits of huffishness... So yeah, the dream. It was definitely Arcana Weirdness! But it was the weirdest arcana weirdness I've ever seen. By not-you I meant, you know, the other guy, He Who Must Not Be Named. Aka Hideo, we're not scared of him here, are we? Anyway, I mean, I certainly wasn't scared of the guy in the dream, because, like, he was on a swing set, being pushed by an old lady. It was all very silly. So I don't think it was... I mean, I've had like, dreams that seem REALLY real before. Really important and sort of horrible ones (they're often really horrible), where I'm someone else. But this was just goofy. I think the lady pushing you was the former Queen of Wands, too??? So I'm not sure what messed-up symbolism my brain was trying to tell me by having Kyon push you on a playground swing, but honestly I'm not sure I even want to know. It was probably something sexual. [Wataru erases that last sentence, muttering "oh god no" to himself, and goes on.] Anyway, yeah. That happened. There was also a bunch of other parts, like with some blue-haired anime guy and a ridiculously hot guy who was the Ace of Swords (any idea who that is now, btw?), and that girl Maki in a tent, and stuff. I didn't understand half of it, but it was mostly deep symbolism about relationships, so maybe my brain was telling me something. I did get pretty cranky after our miscommunication, so I feel like a tool about that now, I guess. I'm sorry it led to strife between you and your teammates too. So, right, I'm in with your plan to make communication better! I also totally get that you are, and will be, busy. It'll be fine ^_^ Honestly, I should be studying more, myself, so. And sure, IM works for me for a while. I bet Auntie M won't mind so much if we videopalooza once or twice a month or whatever, you know? And yes, assignments! I'm down. What's this one about? Have a good night! --- [Ciara] (Encrypted e-mail) Date: After midnight on January 20, 2004 (Japan) / Late morning January 19, 2004 Subject: Communication and Essays To: Wataru Yamada No, you're right; I really do need to be careful. I ended up breaking my stick and shooting the puck *through* the net. The stick is reasonably easy to explain but the net could be a bit harder. Luckily nobody's asked yet. What would have been worse was if I'd hit Grant with it. Equipment or not, it would have really hurt, and that's the last thing I'd want to do. Also, I like "telekinetic fits of huffishness." How much do you practice with it? You may not be scared of him, but... well, I'm trying. Not saying his name does give him a sort of power, so... Hideo. There. Occasionally I have dreams about him. They're not pleasant, either. They're consistent, though, so I guess that's something. I'm sorry yours are usually horrible. The swing set thing is odd, but it seems kind of familiar? The current Ace of Swords is a guy named Ryuji Hazuki. I've lost touch with him, but maybe one of the others knows what he's up to. And Maki? Haruko's roommate? I didn't know you'd even met her. (By the way, she actually did text me from Haruko's phone once last semester saying that she'd confiscated it because Haruko needed to be studying. Maybe she's Haruko's Liam. ^_~) And it's cool, seriously. You and I are working it out, and Liam's going to be, well, Liam. Speaking of, we've got a road trip to Boston this weekend and he's already putting together scouting reports. If nothing else, I can't fault his dedication. It sounds like Grant's going to be starting on Friday night, which is exciting! So my essay is on "a life-changing experience." The professor doesn't pull any punches for a first assignment, does he? Most of my life- changing experiences involve figure skating and/or Arcana, and those are not good essay topics. So I ended up writing about deciding to come study abroad. I'm hoping it doesn't sound too much like "Hello, I came to your country to be a jock." ^^; It's in the attachment; if you don't have time to get to it, don't worry about it. Talk to you later! Satoshi --- [Jihatsu] (Encrypted e-mail) Date: Late afternoon of January 20, 2004 (Japan) / Very very early morning January 20, 2004 (Maine) Subject: Re: Communication and Essays To: Satoshi Watanabe Oh man... through the net? That's intense. I'm really glad Grant didn't get hurt, yeah! I'm sure you're good at deflecting questions about that, though, right? Anyway, I don't practice my TK much - it's still something that scares me, in a way. I do it when I'm nervous a lot, like, hovering a coin in my pocket or something. I get fidgety... ^^; And when I get upset or something, it has happened that I'll just, I don't know, send all my homework flying. Not very constructive. I'll have to ask around abouy this Ryuji Hazuki guy, then... I wonder why I'm dreaming of him, of all people? Everyone else in my dream was people I knew. Including Maki, I guess, although I only met her that one time, remember? You were there too, with everybody, at that yakiniku place. I like your essay topic! Definitely no punches pulled. But that's cool - it's a good approach, the studying abroad thing! And don't worry, America loves its jocks. Especially its college jocks. Did you want me to look at like, grammar stuff more, or content and structure stuff more? Take a look at my comments in the attachment, and feel free to tell me to shut up about the College English Essay Framework ^^; But I think with a bit of shuffling sentences around you'll have a much stronger argument, without even changing any of the content (which is really good, by the way, although I'm biased here. That said, maybe if the teacher isn't pulling his punches you don't need to as much either? It's a bit different than in Japan. You can show a bit of vulnerability or uncertainty, it's normal in your situation, right? Unless you're cultivating the Stoic Japanese image?) That whole last paragraph I just wrote was a mess of parentheses and run- on sentences, so maybe I'm not the best at literary style after all, LOL... Anyway, yeah! Let me know what you think of my comments. Good job with the English!! Wataru --- [Ciara] (Encrypted e-mail) Date: Morning of January 21, 2004 (Japan) / Evening of January 20, 2004 (Maine) Subject: Re: Re: Communication and Essays To: Wataru Yamada It's been a while since I was careless like that. ^^; Mainly I just broke sticks a lot during my adjustment period. Usually when I was practicing alone, too, so it didn't raise too much suspicion. Would trying to practice finer control with your TK help you be less scared? I'm sure some of the others might be able to help you out, especially Haruko. She's good at running experiments and tests. She's not studying engineering for nothing. ^_~ I can understand not wanting to, though. I'm not exactly great at facing my own fears related to my powers. But if you're already using them when you're upset, practicing with them when you're calmer might be good. Just a suggestion. Not trying to push you or anything. Maki wasn't at the yakiniku place. Can you describe the person you saw in your dream? I'm already discovering the benefits of being a college jock thing. ^^; It's amazing how "We're on the hockey team" got our Trig professor off Grant's and my backs when we said we'd be missing the occasional Friday class. (I was trying to avoid Fridays entirely this semester but it didn't work out, and Grant needed to swap out one of his Monday/Wednesday classes because of a change in practice start time so he went in with me.) But we're making arrangements to make up quizzes and the lectures are posted online, so we're being responsible about it, I guess. It does seem a little bit of an unfair advantage, though. ^^; Anyhow. Thanks for looking over my essay! Were there any really bad grammar mistakes? Liam didn't seem to think so, although he kept insisting that I was spelling "color" wrong. I had to tell the poor guy that we learned American spellings over in Japan. ^_~ The content changes make a lot of sense; they're similar to what Grant suggested, actually. (So yeah, if you get busy and don't have time for this anymore, I do have backups. But I really really appreciate it! The more people looking over these things, the better, I think.) I wasn't really trying to be stoic, but I didn't want to be too informal, either. Grant says that I shouldn't be worrying quite so much, that the first one of the semester is a way of feeling out things (he took this course last semester, but it was a different professor and different assignments), but I don't want to fall behind at the start. I am absolutely determined to do better in my classes this semester. Hope your classes are going well. Thanks again for looking over my essay, and if it's still okay with you, I'll send you the next one when the first draft is done. ...uh, you don't have any classes that you need help with, do you? I feel like I should be offering something in return since you're helping me out. Satoshi --- [Ciara] [Late afternoon of Wednesday, January 21, Tokyo] After he returns to his apartment post-classes, Wataru receives a package. A package from America! More importantly, a package from S. Watanabe, Orono, Maine. It's an express box, with a postage date of January 12 (the day after their first video chat and also Coming of Age Day), and when Wataru gets it inside his apartment and opens it, he finds two items inside: a small envelope marked "open this first!" and a larger wrapped package. When Wataru opens the note, he reads: "Wataru, I'm trusting you to take good care of this. Be a responsible adult, as it were. ;) Satoshi" Wataru opens the package to find a University of Maine hockey jersey, just like the one in the picture Satoshi sent him when they were talking about the road trip, right down to the number on the sleeve. Wait... number on the sleeve? And Wataru turns it over to find that the back reads: WATANABE 92 --- [Jihatsu] WATANABE 92 Wataru takes a few slow, woozy breaths. The flash of dream-vision fades, but continues to worry at him, distant, like a toothache. Carefully, he walks over from the dinner table back to the couch, and sinks down on it, bringing the jersey with him. He opened the package quickly, and is still wearing his trenchcoat from outside, earbuds dangling down over the fold of his scarf. He picks up the jersey in both hands, turning it over, looking at it, feeling the weight and firmness of the cloth.... This is real. It's really real... He closes his eyes, and pulls the jersey close, squeezing it tight, breathing it in. Willing himself to remember this moment perfectly, down to the fabric at his fingertips and the humid warmth at the small of his back where his backpack was. Whatever else happens, this moment is something he won't lose. Something he refuses to ever lose. Several moments later, Wataru opens his eyes. It's still there. Satoshi's jersey. He can't know for sure if he wore it, but there's a faint scent of fresh laundry about it that suggests that it's not brand new... He imagines Satoshi pulling it out of the dryer, grinning, and writing the note .... Satoshi lifting the jersey off over his head, after a game, and then peeling off his shirt and his protective equipment... Wataru blinks, focusing on the jersey. The jersey Satoshi probably wore on his body. It's so big... He hoists it, letting it hang with the scrolly Maine logo on the front. Of course, jerseys are loose... He runs a thumb along the white trim between the light blue shoulder and the dark blue front. So easy to imagine Satoshi in this... Hanging on his shoulders, catching the occasional curve of a muscle... Wataru chuckles, then releases a short helpless groan as he pulls the jersey in for another snuggle. _He cares enough about me to send me this. This thing he wore, this long-distance hug...._ He chuckles again, almost sniffling now. Long-distance hugs from Satoshi. Feeling every bit the idiot but not caring at all, he holds onto the arms of the jersey and contorts himself such that he can pull them behind him. Hugged. He closes his eyes again, hugging back. When that moment, too, has passed, Wataru takes a deep breath. "Oh, Satoshi," he says, addressing the jersey, a crooked smile at his lips. "Whatever are we going to do? This is a hot mess and I don't think you even know it. You have no idea that I'm in love with you, do you." Saying it out loud is - *insane*. Liberating. Strange and powerful, and somehow inexplicably less scary than running away from it. "I am in love with Watanabe 92, in spite of my best judgment and probably his own sexual orientation. Pft, best *judgment*." He lifts up the jersey again, starting to get familiar with its shape and colour and texture. "What do you feel for me, Satoshi? Look at what you're sending me. We both know it's not *nothing*. But maybe you're just the nicest goddamn guy who ever picked up a hockey stick, and I'm just a sexually frustrated idiot desperate for a friend. And where's that leave us, Satoshi?" He sighs, mood light and warm if slightly hysterical, and stands up, carrying the jersey around with him as he goes to finally hang up his coat and unwind his scarf. _I should probably email him a thank-you... Oh, and I never replied to this morning's, either._ "'I hope you know I'm gonna snuggle the shit out of this jersey', is a thing I probably won't put in the email," he muses out loud, heading to the bedroom. "That said though, I mean, why send me clothes if you don't expect me to wear them, right?" Wataru hums a couple of bars of the Finnish folk song he was listening to just before getting home, and drops the jersey on the bed before joining it there and pulling off his socks to swap them for the soft fuzzy ones he wears around the house. He gets out of his now-clammy outside clothes, too, and shrugs into a faded Darth Vader tshirt and a very warm but slightly threadbare brown hoodie. Then he looks at the jersey again... ... And it's just there, sleeve number facing him, the vision returning to him again in a spasm. _How could I ever use this in a ritual...?_ He frowns, fingertips brushing the slight roughness of the fabric. It seems so unlikely, so uncaring... Except... _I would do it to save his life. I'd sacrifice this in a heartbeat for the real thing._ And Satoshi knows it, he realizes. Maybe not the details, but he knows Wataru can use objects to interact with the people who owned them... He swallows. This is a hell of a lot of trust. He looks at his hand resting flatly on the blue cloth before coming to a decision. Leaving the jersey on the bed, he pulls his computer chair up to the desk and boots up his PC. Email time. --- [Jihatsu] (Encrypted e-mail) Date: Late afternoon of January 21, 2004 (Japan) / Very early morning January 21, 2004 (Maine) Subject: OMG To: Satoshi Watanabe OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG Satoshi, just OMG. I got your package. OMG. I'm sort of speechless!! I'm really touched and excited and grateful and astounded. This is one of the most amazing gifts I've gotten in a long time.... I almost feel like there's a little bit of you here with me now. You don't feel quite as far away... It would be cool if teleportation was a thing, wouldn't it? If I could just use that jersey as a portal to Maine and come watch movies with you or whatever, then sneak back into my life in Japan. Or of you could spends weekends with the Sakuragaoka Assholes [backspacebackspacebackspace] crew, when you had no games or whatever... But hey, we've got what we've got, and we're gonna make it work. A generation back, all we would have had was letters, anyway. We live in charmed times. I'm going to try to answer your other email in this email, if that's okay? I may have relapses of OMG, because *seriously*, but I will try to keep them in check! Okay, so first, I think working on seeing my abilities as _abilities_ rather than _liabilities_ is probably a good idea, all things considered. I don't know if I feel comfortable training with anyone, let alone Haruko, but... I'll give it some thought. The girl in my dream was short and had blue and red hair! Is this not Maki? The Sakuragaoka goalie from Back In The Day. Your grammar was pretty solid! A few things, mostly like, turns of phrase that seemed kind of off, you know? Or dated, like you got them from old textbooks. But honestly, it was pretty good, and a lot of fun to read ^^ I am down to help you out whenever! And... are you a wiz at Statistics? Because GUH. And I'm not going to go ask Kyon for help... :P OMG JERSEY. So like, you're not gonna get into trouble for your jersey having mysteriously disappeared, are you, Watanabe 92? To be perfectly honest.... The last couple weeks have been pretty high on the emotional-meter for me. I don't know, it's probably because of meeting all of you guys, and what that means for me and everything I've gone through and wondered about... And, this is horrifically sappy, but, I mean, I've got more friends now than I've ever had in my life. And more potential friends, too, you know? Maybe part of the reason it's so hard to reach out to you guys and let you into my life is that it's really scary to trust anyone. I've had a lot of experiences with people I thought liked me, but really they didn't at all. I've... I don't need to go into details, but. I'm more careful than I need to be, now, and I don't know how I can change that - I don't even entirely believe that I *should*. But you send me this jersey, knowing full well what that meant. I don't know what to do with that much trust, except cherish it. And maybe try to believe that trust can turn out okay. I want to be the guy that you believe I can be. My therapist told me, once, that sometimes when you find yourself rebelling really hard inside about something, that means that that thing is right for you. Especially when it comes to changing. You fight the most important changes the hardest, I think. I haven't messaged Katie yet, but I'm going to try to get on that over the next few days. Maybe I can practice finesse with Haruko, too... I wish I had more real friends who were Arcana, honestly. Right now my friends are you, and you're far away, and Izumi, and she can't know half of what I worry about lately... It's rough. Is this what drew all of you guys together, back in high school? Anyway, this has ended up being a big long email. Sorry. I guess the conclusion is, thank you so much for the jersey, it's probably the closest thing to a long-distance hug I could have imagined. The only ones I can send back are virtual, but you've got 'em, Satoshi. Good luck with Friday's game! BU is one of the schools I was looking at pre-Japan, honestly. They have pretty rad social science programs ^^ Give 'em hell! :D Wataru --- [Ciara] (Encrypted e-mail) Date: Morning of January 22, 2004 (Tokyo) / Evening of January 21, 2004 (Maine) Subject: Re: OMG To: Wataru Yamada I feel like saying "You're welcome" is kind of inadquate here, but... you're welcome. I'm really glad you like it so much! A portal would be awesome! It'd be really fun to be able to go back to Japan whenever I wanted, and I'd love to introduce you to everyone here. It'd be amazing if everyone could meet each other, really. But yeah, this is way better than letters. We're pretty lucky. (Also, teleportation may actually be a thing. ;) I'm just not aware of a way to make it transcontinental.) I'd think practicing TK could actually be kind of fun. Think of all the stuff you could carry without actually having to carry it. I have no problems with heavy stuff, obviously, but I'm still limited by what I can see around. I can't move a gigantic stack of boxes because I can't see where I'm going. But you could just keep them off to the side or something. Not that you probably have to haul a lot of boxes, but... it can't hurt to practice some, right? Haruko's ideas may be crazy sometimes, but I can't fault her enthusiasm. The girl with red and blue hair, the girl you met at dinner, that's Taki. Taki Shimiru, and she's an Arcana, the Knight of Cups. Maki Tomika is Haruko's roommate, and not an Arcana. At least, I'm pretty sure she isn't; if she were, Haruko would probably have found out long ago. Thanks again for helping with my essay. About my phrasing... okay, please don't tell anyone else yet - I've been talking about this with them some, but... there are things I can do that I don't explicitly remember learning how to. Like, obviously I've had English lessons in school, and I took some intensive courses last summer in preparation for coming over, but... I don't actually remember when I started to learn English. I think... I think some of it is a carryover from Hideo. Like I'm pretty sure he knew how to speak English, and I just... retained some of it. Same deal with driving back from Canada. It seemed more familiar than it should have. So, yeah. Let me know if anything sounds too archaic in future essays, okay? I can fix it. He didn't give me any statistics knowledge, though. Sorry. There, I made a joke about it; that's an improvement, right? It's hard, learning to make friends. Believing that someone really likes you and wants you around. I think some caution probably is still warranted, especially when it comes to Arcana matters, but you can trust these guys. I do. There's no one else I'd rather have on my side, and I miss them terribly. I believe in you, Wataru, and I'm honored to be your friend. What we went through... it both brought us together and drove us apart. I wish I could be there with you guys now. Like, really there, but... this dream of mine, I've got the chance to pursue it, and I can't not take the opportunity. It's hard. It feels selfish sometimes. Especially since there's all these new things going on. But this team is *so* amazing and I'm actually playing at their level. (Okay, I've been a little shy about shooting at practice these past few days, but that'll pass, I'm sure.) So I'll just have to do what I can from here. Thanks for the good luck wishes! And hey, small world. Although I guess if you ended up at BU you'd probably be less inclined to think well towards Maine. ;) Satoshi [Thread end!]