[July 8, 1262. 3.49.44am] [Having recently spoken with and watched over their new contact astrally scout the location of the dagger, the party has left to prepare for the next part of their adventure. Well, mostly everyone. Anstace seems to be lingering in the garden, somewhat lost in thought.] [begin] 06* Moriel had been watching Anstace off and on in concern. When she doesn't move to leave with the others, he stays, too. He walks over to sit down in front of her and ducks his head to try to look her in the face. "Mistress Anstace? Are you all right?" 06* Anstace doesn't react for a moment, and then slowly looks up at Moriel. "do i have a choice?" 06* Moriel looks pained at that, briefly, but then he leans back and looks around at the flowers surrounding them. "Yes and no, perhaps," he says pensively. "Sometimes we have choices, but certain of our choices are unnacceptable to us. Whether one is all right or not..." He glances to Anstace, and then away again. "...isn't really a choice. It's what one does about it that's a choice. Even if it doesn't always seem like it." if it is a question about what i will do about it, i will do that which is expected of me as a symbol of the cause and a standard for the troops to rally to. 06* Moriel looks back to Anstace, since she doesn't seem to mind it at the moment. He's obviously mulling over what to say and having some difficulty with it. Eventually he murmurs, "In other words, your choice is to ignore it, or to bear it." 06* Anstace does not break eye contact. "in this case, there is no difference in those choices" 06* Moriel shakes his head. "That's what I meant. You're choosing those rather than something else." 06* Anstace shakes her head. "you are mistaken. i did not choose this. i was not given a choice" 06* Moriel watches her. "You were not given a choice in Prince Mithras' declaration, no. But you've had other choices, and might yet make other choices. You did not have to return to his court with us - and you do not have to stay in his court. You are not a prisoner, after all. You could simply leave. But perhaps that choice is unacceptable to you." 06* Anstace leans forward, clearly intent on what she has to say. "my kind are not as prolific as they once were because of the machinations of the enemy. the other choice was to be hunted and killed." she holds her hands outstretched as if presenting the options to Moriel. "which would you choose?" 06* Moriel sighs. "Now, perhaps. But you could go to another court, in another city. Here, perhaps, where you said you were far less on display. Or to Belit-Sheri, who has remained alive for centuries." 06* Anstace looks down. "she has her guardians and even still she must flee and hide. how does her choice differ from mine?" 06* Moriel looks at Anstace some more, brows drawing down. "Mistress Anstace. You *have* choices, even if they are limited by circumstance. Why do you choose to remain in Mithras' court?" 06* Anstace looks back at Moriel. "because i thought i had friends there" 06* Moriel smiles gently at that, his eyes turning warm. "A good reason." That smile is almost as good as a hug, if Moriel were the sort to hug people much. it was 06* Moriel raises his eyebrows. "Was?" yes. but now i don't know. do you think of me only as Mithras's favorite rose, too? 06* Anstace looks at Moriel almost pleadingly, if you could tell behind her constant and emotionless face. 06* Moriel blinks in genuine surprise, and then frowns. "Of course not!" And then he calms himself down. "I just...I was...concerned about you, and I don't want you to stay if it makes you so desperately unhappy." 06* Anstace blurts out uncharacteristically, "no! not that." Then she seems to realize what just happened and composes herself. "i am appreciative of your concern. it helps ease the loneliness of what i must do" 06* Moriel studies her, frowning unhappily. "I wonder if there's any way to make it better. If you only went to court when the prince expressly bid you, for example." 06* Anstace shakes her head. "no. even Varyn said that every cause needs a standard to rally to. there is no point in having a standard if it is hidden from view. ask any soldier in any of the legions. as long as each soldier can see it, he or she continues the fight. and so i must remain on display. it must be done. there is no other way" 06* Moriel says quietly, "I see." He's silent for a little while. 06* Anstace just watches Moriel, still leaning forward. after a few moments she speaks. "i have upset you." 06* Anstace reaches out and gently puts her hand on top of his. "forgive me. i did not mean to" 06* Moriel 's gaze had wandered to the flowers, but at that it jumps back to Anstace in surprise. "No, you haven't. I'm simply sorry you're unhappy and I can't seem to do anything about it." 06* Anstace pulls her hand back. "you are also unhappy, but you worry about my happiness. you do not wish to lead the army against the growing darkness, yet you will do what you must. so too must i and shoulder this burden silently." she tilts her head to the side. "can any of us be happy?" 06* Moriel sighs, and then his expression lightens as he looks back up to smile at Anstace. "I have hopes of it." 06* Anstace smiles ever so slightly. "until then, at least we do not have to suffer alone" [End!]